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Sucker-Punched Santas

Add playing jolly ol’ St. Nick at the mall to the list of most-dangerous jobs.


Illustration by Tin Salamunic

Santa Clawed
A Kris Kringle in Mays Landing, New Jersey, was attacked by a 30-pound bobcat while posing for photos outside a PetSmart in 2008. Luckily for nice boys and girls, he escaped with a few scratches. The cat, however, got coal in all four of its stockings.
Low Elf-Esteem
In 2009, William Caldwell allegedly threatened a mall Santa in Morrow, Georgia, with a bag of dynamite. He was dressed as an elf, making him more frightening. The bag turned out to be empty, but Caldwell was forced to trade in his candy canes for meds. 
Putting the "X" in Xmas
A woman on Santa’s naughty list was charged with sexual assault in 2007 after she allegedly groped a 65-year-old Claus at the Danbury Fair mall in Connecticut. We hear Christmas didn’t come early that year. 
Jingle-Bell Glock
A Santa in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, was on his way to a Christmas party by helicopter in 2007 when drug traffickers, believing the chopper was the police, opened fire. Santa was OK, but next time he’s taking the sleigh.

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