These guys are pretty good at getting their zingers into 140 characters or less.
10. Joan Rivers vs. Rihanna
Photos: Timothy White / E! & Martin Harris / Retna Ltd.
Twitter’s magic comes from the fact that it’s an open community. Anyone can interact with anyone else, and everyone can watch it happen, all of which allows for some truly bizarre locking of horns - perhaps none of which were stranger than these two ladies having a digital cat fight over spousal abuse. The gist: On Oprah’s show, Rihanna confessed she still pines for Chris Brown, the raging douchebag who infamously beat her. Rivers tweeted: “Idiot! Now it's MY turn to slap her.” Rihanna shot back: “Slap on some diapers.” Get it? Because Rivers is old! It’s almost as if this was scripted by the guys who wrote MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch! By which we mean, none of it was terribly funny.
9. American Airlines vs. Alec Baldwin
Photo: Byron Purvis / Retna Ltd.
Alec Baldwin really loves the iPhone game Words With Friends. He was playing it last year while parked at the gate on an American Airlines flight, and was asked to kindly power down his device by a flight attendant. Nobody’s exactly sure what happened next, but he was asked to leave the flight. (Boxer Oscar De La Hoya, who was on the same plane, said Baldwin was “a little angry.”) Well, that anger erupted into a vengeful Twitter-volcano. (These tweets have since been deleted.) He claims he was “reamed” for playing on his phone at LAX before takeoff -- and his publicist tweeted that it’s a #hypocrisy. Baldwin added, “Last flight w American. Where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950's find jobs as flight attendants." The airline responded on Facebook, saying, “The passenger was extremely rude to the crew, calling them inappropriate names and using offensive language. Given the facts above, the passenger was removed from the flight and denied boarding”. Good Lord, Lemon.
8. Mariah Carey vs. Nicki Minaj
Photos: Mark Cant / FOX & Phil Mcarten / FOX
Apparently, Mariah Carey thinks her fellow American Idol judge Nicki Minaj wants to kill her. All this stems from a Barbara Walters interview, phone call, or some sort of conversation she had with Carey, where Mariah said she wasn’t “comfortable emotionally” around Minaj, who allegedly declared, “If I had a gun, I would shoot the bitch.” Minaj responded by tweeting “Lets just say nicki said smthn about a gun. ppl will believe it cuz she's a black rapper. Lmao. I'll then hit up Barbara n milk it.” She also tweeted “Say no to violence barbz.” Meanwhile, a FOX marketing rep is wetting his pleated pants in spastic glee over all the free publicity this garnered for the show. Also meanwhile, Barbara Walters is looking up “barbz” on Urban Dictionary.
7. Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Airlines
Photo: Jay Valena / Retna Ltd.
In 2010, the provocative movie director was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for being, as he put it, “too wide to fly.” Apparently, one Captain Leysath ejected Smith from a flight that he was already seated on. TMZ picked up the “story” and it then exploded. Southwest responded in a blog post titled “Not So Silent Bob” that exposed Smith’s ritual of purchasing two seats whenever he flies. On this particular flight, only a single seat was available, and, well, you do the math. Southwest did and suggested he review the “Customer of Size” FAQ, apparently not really knowing who he is. Once they realized their error, Southwest tap-danced on Twitter before trying to call him and finally posting an apologetic blog post. Once again, these have all been deleted in the ever-increasing revisionist history that takes place in these spats.
6. Kim Kardashian vs. Jon Hamm
Photos: Timothy White/E! & Frank Ockenfels / AMC
Kim Kardashian has had more battles on Twitter than Pikachu has had in the Poké Stadium. She’s had squabbles with Beyoncé, Nicole Richie, and even the Casey Anthony verdict. But did you know Jon Hamm also threw down against her? It’s true. In an Elle UK magazine interview, Hamm voiced his confusion over the public’s fascination with Kim’s “stupidity” and concluded that she’s a “fucking idiot.” Kim responded via Twitter that his comments were “careless.” Hamm said he didn’t regret his comments, but that they were taken out of context, and then concluded there are “better things to celebrate.” Then he glanced at his watch, realized it was time for his Diet Coke break and ripped his shirt off while a bunch of school teachers salivated from across the basketball court.
5. Chris Cornell vs. Trent Reznor
Photos: Gene Ambo / Retna Ltd. & Gelu Sulugiuc/ Retna Ltd.
“You know that feeling you get when somebody embarrasses themselves so badly YOU feel uncomfortable?” Nine Inch Nails front man Trent Reznor tweeted back in 2009. “Heard Chris Cornell's record? Jesus.” To which, Cornell replied: “What do you think Jesus would twitter? ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone’ or ‘Has anyone seen Judas? He was here a minute ago’” It’s essentially the schoolyard equivalent of attempting a successful come back with, “Oh yeah?” It was a poor show all round, but still hilarious to see these two music industry legends going at it like pissy nerds having a slap-fight.
4. Deadmau5 vs. Madonna
Photos: Erik Kabik / Retna Digital & Robb D. Cohen / Retna Ltd.
Madonna’s latest album, MDNA, dropped back in March, and to celebrate it the singer announced she’d be joining Twitter for just one day to answer fan questions about it. Boy was she in for a shock: DJ Deadmau5 seized that opportunity to rant about how irresponsible Madonna was for the album’s title. (He also took to Facebook and Tumblr with the same M.O.) “That's your big contribution to EDM? Thats your big message to ultra attendies? Hipsterspeak for looking for drugs? F**k off you f***ing IDIOT. F**k.” Madge tweeted an image of herself wearing Mickey Mouse ears with a word balloon explaining her stance on drug use (she ain’t fer it) and then put a ribbon on it by suggesting he should have just called her to have “cleared it up privately.” But then, if he’d done that, he wouldn’t have gotten Trent Reznor or El-P to tweet about their newfound respect for the guy who DJs in a gigantic mouse mask. Now if only someone would tell us what an “ultra attendie” is…
3. Ice-T vs. Aimee Mann
Photos: Martin Roe/ Retna Ltd. & Carsten Windhorst / Retna Ltd.
Before we start this story, we should state that we only have one rule besides “flush before drinking out of the bowl”, and that rule is, “do not fuck with Ice-T”. Someone should’ve told Aimee Mann that before she tweeted, “Christ, there is no reason in the world anyone should ever have cast Ice T in a television show.” Ice-T politely told her to “eat a hot bowl of dicks”. Thankfully she apologized, and Ice-T called off his dogs since “peace in Twitterland” had been restored.
2. Jay Mohr vs. His own fans
Photos: John Atashian / Retna Ltd. & Ryan McVay / Getty Images
Again, this was eventually deleted from his account, but the former Saturday Night Live performer tweeted this joke: “Tell your friends what happened at Penn State. Then try and trick them into google searching, ’10 year old boy anal sex.’” One of his fans, @ravensdale, responded: “nothing funnier than 10 year olds getting raped. Can’t wait for your career’s death rattle on Celebrity Apprentice.” Mohr then explained his joke, laid out exactly why it was funny, and then also explained that his followers are “lemmings.” Classy!
1. Courtney Love vs. Absolutely Everybody
Photos: Martin Roe / Retna Ltd.
“Twitter should ban my mother,” Frances Bean Cobain said of her mother. Courtney has been accused of libel in tweets against Lawyer Rhonda Holmes (who was hired to help recoup money she thought was stolen from her husband’s estate), designer Dawn Simorangkir (who she said was a drug-pushing prostitute), but Dave Grohl and Billy Corgan have been far less litigious. When Courtney tweeted that Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl allegedly tried to have sex with Frances Bean (“He had that romney rape thing about him...I am about to shoot [him], dead”), he told Rolling Stone that it was “upsetting, offensive and absolutely untrue.” Corgan weighed in on Love’s parenting skills, tweeting, “Only u could abandon such a beautiful, incredible child who is smarter than u, cooler than u, and better than u. Oops, did I say too much?” Courtney replied, “I really think its truly creepy how jealous and obsessed w [Frances Bean Cobain, Love's daughter] he is." This is presumably exactly what the ‘90s would have been like if we’d had Twitter, only with more self-harming and pretending we liked Pavement.
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