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The 5 Best Popes Ever!

Because this is the Internet and that’s what happens.

As we’ve already mentioned, the Catholic world woke up to a bit of a surprise today when their big boss man, Pope Benedict XVI, announced he’s taking early retirement. So while everyone is googling “Popes” and “Best Popes” and “Best Popes + Grammy Winners” we thought it would be nice to look back at some historically awesome pontiffs!

Pope Leo I (440-461)

A real Pope’s Pope, Leo is famous for convincing Attila the Hun to chill out. In 452 AD, Attila’s army, on the verge of invading Italy, was met by a papal embassy. Pope Leo, using only his guile, wit, and wisdom (and probably metric tons of gold), convinced the Hun to turn back around. More like Attila the bum, right guys!? (Please don’t pillage us, ghosts of the Hun Empire.)

Pope Sergius III (860-911)

Did you know there was a papal dark age? There was! It was called the saeculum obscurum (pretty sure you can get one of those at a sex store), and this guy started it! Credited for creating a “pornocracy” where women were given equal power with the lads, Sergius had two predecessors murdered and was seemingly more concerned with boning than pope-ing.

Pope Benedict IX (1012-1056)

Dude was pope on three separate occasions and even sold the papacy for straight cash money. He was forever known as Benedict “The Baller.” 

Pope Innocent II (1160-1216)

Innocent convened the fourth Council of Lateran, which included 71 decrees and aimed to settle land disputes, the confirmation of the Holy Roman Empire, and other bureaucratic matters. Classic Pope Innocent!

Pope Julius II (1503-1513)

Nicknamed “The Warrior Pope,” Julius II manage to machinate several wars and create the Swiss Guard, which are sort of like the Vatican’s Secret Service, if the Secret Service dressed like a troupe of improvisational circus clowns.

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