Wolverine’s not in his classic yellow spandex in his latest movie, but to us, he’s only really intimidating when he’s dressed as a banana.
He’s the best there is at what he does, and what he does is wear bright yellow spandex and kitty ears. Sure, we wouldn’t laugh at the guy to his face – a man with unbreakable bones, a penchant for stabbing, and the stone cold cojones to wear his hair in the shape of a Batman mask in public is not a man to be trifled with – but holy God, who thought that bright yellow and sky blue was an intimidating costume choice for a guy who was designed to fight the Incredible Hulk?
If you’re the Captain of a star ship capable of leveling cities, in command of the galaxy’s scientific and military elite, and an envoy of the human race whose job is to instill respect in untamed alien species, how do you convey that in your appearance? Simple! A tight yellow sweater says it all, with maybe just a girdle underneath for good measure. You can’t take it away from Kirk, though – the dude liked to brawl, and nobody, we mean nobody, busts out a flying butt-drop like James T.
Maybe being raised on an isolated farm in the desert didn’t have the best effect on Luke’s fashion choices, but we can’t help thinking that, had we just blown up the Empire’s deadliest weapon and become the new face of heroism, dedication, and general bad-assery of the Rebellion, we might – might – not have chosen to wear a bright yellow puffer jacket to the medal ceremony. Probably why he ditched it for a pair of fetching black pajamas before he went full Jedi.
1930s Chicago. Prohibition. Tommy gun-toting gangs. Rampant violence. Into this madness steps one man – one man with the will, the street smarts, and the rough, tough attitude to get the job done and clean up the town. One man…who’s wearing a custard-yellow trench coat with matching primrose fedora? Really? Was there nothing left in the store in fuchsia? Still, it’s hard to argue with a man who can gun down a dozen hideously deformed criminals in slightly under two minutes. Or a man who was schtupping late 80s Madonna, for that matter.
Now, there’s no arguing that Rocky was one tough son of a bitch. He could take a punch. He could dish out a punch. He could probably whip up a delicious French-style punch with clarified butter and a side-order of sautéed smash-your-teeth-in. And any man who can still look even kind of tough while wearing a yellow tank top and having a jumping cuddle-fight in the surf with his new BFF deserves some respect. Some respect, and maybe a wardrobe consultant.
See what Maxim's movie-reviewing dogs thought of The Wolverine, or check out these superheroes who don't have their shit together.