With Frozen in theaters, we’re looking at the icy pals we’d rather hang out with.
(6) Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer from Saturday Night Live
Freezing Incident: He slipped and fell into a glacial crevasse in the Stone Age. Ice is slippery, y’all!
Length Of Time Frozen: One hundred thousand years (or, the equivalent of watching one Houston Astros game).
Life Prior To Being Frozen: A lot of hunting in the plains, killing mammoths, and growing beards.
Life After Being Thawed: He became a very successful Personal Injury attorney by using defenses like, “Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine I wonder, 'Did little demons get inside and type it?' I don't know because I'm a caveman - that's the way I think... But there is one thing I DO know. When a man, like my client, slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than $2 million in compensatory damages!'”
What He Probably Dreamed About While Frozen: Whether or not a jury would agree that slipping on ice during an ice age was “reasonably foreseeable.”
(5) Fry from Futurama
Freezing Incident: While delivering a pizza, Fry tripped and fell into a cryogenic freezing chamber (or he was pushed by an adorable little space creature who poops dark matter, depending which season you’re on).
Length Of Time Frozen: 1,000 years.
Life Prior To Being Frozen: Sad-sack, loser delivery boy.
Life After Being Thawed: Sad-sack, loser delivery boy on a space ship.
What He Probably Dreamed About While Frozen: What it would be like to bone his grandma (which he eventually did, becoming his own grandfather. Yay, time travel!).
(4) Mr. Freeze