User menu

Main menu

Funny

The Best Donald Trump Tweets You May Have Missed

What @RealDonaldTrump was up to while the rest of the East Coast was being swallowed by a hurricane.


Photo by: Mitchell Haaseth/NBC
 

Newsflash: Donald J. Trump isn’t just a world-class real estate mogul; he’s also a world-class attention whore. As long as something—anything—is happening in the world, you can bet your ass The Donald will be holding a press conference to make a “huge announcement” about it. And without fail, that announcement turns out to be considerably less newsworthy than the dump you took at work this morning.

But you gotta give the guy credit, because despite our collective national groan, it seems we just can’t stop listening to him. Especially on Twitter. No one is more skilled than Trump at promoting himself while simultaneously shitting on his adversaries, all in 140 characters or less. Thus, even with all the hullabaloo surrounding Hurricane Sandy, he still managed to stay in the spotlight. But in case you were busy with other things (like, say, trying to find some drinking water uncontaminated by feces), here are four of the most critical Trump-related events to transpire on Twitter during hurricane week. Like the bristles of his toothbrush, they’re all solid gold.

 

Trump vs. the Auto Industry

The Internet was buzzing about the Twitter war Donald ignited with Chrysler executive Ralph Gilles, who became so frustrated with Trump’s claims that the auto giant intends to move American manufacturing jobs to China (which Chrysler has emphatically and repeatedly denied) that he tweeted, “@RealDonaldTrump: You are full of shit!” But like his hair on a windy day, Trump was unphased. After all, if anyone knows about the true agenda of the auto industry, it’s the guy who gets a royalty check every time someone utters the words “you’re fired.”

 

Trump vs. Twitter
You may recall that a few weeks ago, Trump promised to make a $5 million donation to charity if President Obama would release his college records. Well, now, with the East Coast badly ravaged by Hurricane Sandy, the phrase #ThanksDonald has been trending on Twitter as part of an apparent effort among users to shame the gazillionaire into donating those funds to disaster relief efforts. But really guys, why would someone donate that much of their own money to helping people without getting anything in return—like documents proving that the President got a B in his freshman microeconomics seminar 30 years ago? If you think people actually get rich that way, chances are you're poor.

 

Trump vs. Bill Maher
Try to contain your shock here, but it seems that Donald Trump is not a huge fan of Bill Maher. Tweets Donald: "How does a dummy like @billmaher get a television show--& his ratings stink. You'd think @HBO could do a lot better." Great question, Mr. Trump! How does a dummy a get their own TV show? We don't know. But you must, right?
 

Trump vs. Electricity
On October 30, while millions of New Yorkers were still without electricityTrump took to Twitter, gloating that none of his Manhattan buildings ever lost power: "Not one Trump building, even those along the Hudson River, lost power—a testament to quality systems and construction." In fact, most city buildings actually lost power due to Con Ed's power grids going down—which simply didn't happen in most of the areas where his buildings are located. So, yeah, his pricey Hudson River condos had electricity; and so did every dilapidated shitbox north of 40th Street. But that doesn't matter, because if the power stayed on, it's further evidence that Trump is "the best builder," and if you lost power, it's probably because you're fucking stupid for living where you live.


Show me more funny!
This is the worst. Show me pretty girls.