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The Five Most Awesomely Freaky Strip Clubs in America

Make it rain in these very strange houses of pleasure.

Strip clubs can be fun and all, but there comes a point where, after your fifth bachelor party, you realize they’re all exactly the same. Sure, the women might change, but inevitably, when you walk into a flesh joint, you already know what you’re getting — a neon-drenched, dimly-lit den of seediness, furniture straight out of an airport lounge and a soundtrack from a direct-to-DVD Eastern European action movie. But it doesn’t have to be this way: Thankfully, there are some gentleman’s clubs out there breaking the mold and getting brilliantly weird.

 


“These aren’t the boobs you’re looking for.”


Star Wars Burlesque 
The Mos Eisley Cantina never looked this good: Downtown Los Angeles’ Bordello hosts this bimonthly event in which Princess Leia types dress up like Star Wars characters, then take it all off. And though the thought of watching a busty Chewbacca strip down to her skivvies does upset some of our cherished childhood memories, it’s actually still sexier than sitting through a Lady Gaga video.

 


Dad’s new girlfriend tries a bit too hard to get us to like her.


Casa Diablo 
The country’s first vegan meat market can be found in Portland, Oregon, a fact that should surprise no one who’s visited the city — a crusty twenty-something wonderland populated exclusively by bike messengers, tattoo artists and strippers. Go there and assuage your guilt at ogling naked women with the knowledge that their lifestyle is highly sustainable and has a minimal carbon footprint. Then go for a burger.

 


He just realized why most strip clubs don’t cover everything in absorbent fabric.


Club Thunderbolt 
Oh, Detroit. You may not have made our Top 40, but what with your potential Robocop statue and now this place, we may have to reassess. The fantastically named Jay Thunderbolt operates a 24-hour skin joint out of his wood-paneled, shag-carpeted living room, thanks to a loophole in Michigan’s strip club laws that allows Thunderbolt to stay in business. Funnily enough, his neighbors don’t seem to mind living next door to a pleasure palace.

 


The best thing for regular patrons is that the building itself is nice and subtle.


Pirate’s Cove 
What is it about Portland? The country’s only pirate-themed strip club (as far as we can tell) can be found in that damp Oregon town. Make all the booty jokes you want, just don’t ask that girl why she’s wearing an eye patch.

 


Does significantly better than its closest rival, “Apologetic Semi-On.”


Climax Gentleman’s Club 
Alas, our final entry is an epitaph, as the Climax is no more. Still, let us bow our heads in appreciation of this Pennsylvanian landmark — the world’s first drive-thru strip club. Yes, patrons could enjoy a glimpse of flesh without leaving their car, watching the dancers inside through a diamond-shaped window. Sure, the suburban McDonald’s business model might not make the most sense for a strip club, but you’ve got to admire their spirit.

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