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"The Hunger Games" vs. Black Friday

Which violent event are you less likely to survive this month: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire or the biggest shopping day of the year?


Illustrated for Maxim by John Ueland | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

 

DANGERS
Hunger Games: Being killed in any death-by-weapon scenario imaginable.
Black Friday: Being shot, stabbed, trampled...basically, any death scenario imaginable.

OVERHEARD
Hunger Games: "At some point you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants you dead." -Katniss
Black Friday: "I've saved $100 on a computer. I've spent $100,000 on medical bills." -Walmart patron after '05 trampling

VILLAINS
Hunger Games: Philip Seymour Hoffman in sequins.
Black Friday: Soccer moms with fanny packs.

ULTIMATE PRIZE
Hunger Games: Food for their starving district and a brand-new house.
Black Friday: A deeply discounted bread-maker nobody on Earth wants.

SURVIVAL METHODS
Hunger Games: When nobody is looking, slip into a hole and stay there until everyone else has killed one another. Then reemerge to be crowned champion!
Black Friday: Head to the cutlery section and build a suit of armor out of soup spoons. Then use steak knives to fend off any angry Rascal jockeys.

SUSTENANCE
Hunger Games: A bellyful of rat meat.
Black Friday: A bellyful of Cinnabons.

WINNER...
Black Friday. Nothing could be worse than taking your last breath on the sticky, pee-stained floor of Toys“R”Us.

Check out Who's Tougher: Jennifer Lawrence Edition and Maxim's Thanksgiving Survival Guide