World War Z shows a world in which mankind has been overrun by zombies. And if it does well, it will, naturally, get a sequel – possibly many. But they’ll need to change it up, so which monsters should they use for the rest of the series? Let’s delve into our mythological creatures encyclopedia and find out…
World War Y: Yara-ma-yha-who
In Australian Aboriginal folklore, the Yara-ma-yha-who is a small red man with a large head and blood-draining suckers for fingers and toes. He has the added bonus of a name that sounds like a hilarious euphemism for lady parts.
World War X: Xing Tian
A headless, Chinese mythological giant that has eyes for nipples and a mouth for a belly button has no right to be this adorable. Don’t pretend you wouldn’t love to see a thousand of these guys cheerfully eviscerating humanity.
World War W: Werehyena
In East Africa, they don’t have werewolves: Instead, they have werehyenas, which are basically exactly the same thing, only 50% more crappy.
World War V: Vibra
According to medieval mythology, the Vibra was a dragon with boobs. Let’s just say that again: A dragon. With boobs. How this doesn’t already have its own movie franchise, we’ll never know.
World War U: Uwan
In Japanese folklore, the Uwan is a ghostly voice that makes people jump when they enter the building in which it resides. And…that’s it. It’s more annoying than anything else, but a whole movie of Brad Pitt repeatedly looking startled has the potential to be hilarious.
World War T: Talos
Probably best known for having his ass handed to him (well…his ankle, really) in Jason And the Argonauts, Talos was a bronze giant from Greek legend who patrolled the shores of Europa. Incidentally, “Bronze Giant” is at least three Maxim editors’ Match.com profile name.
World War S: Saci
A character beloved in Brazilian folklore, Saci is a one-legged boy who smokes a pipe and wears a magic, smelly hat. The movie script writes itself, doesn’t it?
World War R: Ramidreju
A creature from Cantabrian mythology, this is a cross between a weasel and a snake. This sounds adorable, frankly, and it seems like a movie with thousands of these guys running about would give Pixar a serious run for their money.
World War Q: Qiqirn
A huge, bald dog spirit from Inuit mythology, the Qiqirn has hair only on its lips, ears, and feet. Just like your Grandma!
World War P: Pollo Maligno
A Colombian legend that literally translates as “Evil Chicken,” this beast was fond of luring hunters into the forest and eating them. Who knew Colombia had such a guilt complex about eating KFC?
World War O: Oni
Oni are supernatural giants from Japanese folklore, with crazy hair, horns, and red or blue skin, with a penchant for tiger-skin posing pouches and iron clubs. They are unarguably awesome.
World War N: Nurarihyon
Another Japanese creature, the Nurarihyon is a spectral old man who sneaks into people’s houses and steals their tea. He is basically every British person’s worst nightmare.
World War M: Mapinguari
The legendary giant sloth of the Amazonian rainforest. Intimidating but also very slow, which would, intriguingly, make it closer to a traditional zombie flick than World War Z.
World War L: Lambton Worm
Leave it to England to invent the least scary-sounding monster of all time. Despite its foppish name, the Lambton Worm is actually a sort of dragon, albeit a rubbish one. It already has one movie of its own, which stars Hugh Grant, because of course it does.
World War K: Kasa-obake
Another Japanese invention, the Kasa-obake is essentially a living, undead umbrella. If you’ve ever seen a New York trash can right after a rain shower, you’ll know why that city is fucked if these things ever turn on us.
World War J: Jorogumo
A Spider Woman! But, er…not the good kind. Also Japanese, the Jorogumo is a spider that can make itself look like a hot woman so it can trap men and eat them. Which actually sounds more like a movie for Cinemax, now we think about it.
World War I: Ifrit
Fire genies of Arabic folklore, these are giant, winged, flaming, evil monsters. Which is cool and all, but if we’re going the giant, winged, flaming, evil monster route, we’re still more into the dragon with boobs. Because dragon with boobs, people.
World War H: Headless Mule
This Brazilian entity is, as the name would suggest, a headless mule. But wait – there’s more! It also breathes fire. How does it breathe fire when it has no head, and therefore no nose and no mouth? God knows. But we can probably guess.
World War G: Gichi-anami’e-bizhiw.
The Gichi-anami’e-bizhiw is a legend among the Anishinaable peoples, as well as being the sound you make when you sneeze, then pull a weird face for a few seconds before then doing another, even larger sneeze. It’s described as a hybrid of a bison, a snake, a bird, a cougar, and a fish. Jeez, Anishinaable people, just choose one and be done with it!
World War F: Futakuchi-onna
Another form of Japanese monster, this is a woman with a second mouth on the back of her head, which is presumably used for telling you she wants to go to IKEA while still laying with her back to you.
World War E: Each-uisge
This Scottish water spirit is described as being a “malevolent water horse.” Which…isn’t that just a hippo? Fuck it - we’d probably pay to see Brad Pitt fight a hippo. All we know for sure is that we find this picture terrifying in ways we aren’t even able to express.
World War D: Drop Bear
A creature of Australian lore, the drop bear is a large, flesh-eating koala that attacks its prey by dropping on its head from the treetops. Now, picture how great Predator would have been if the titular antagonist had been a koala instead of a vagina-faced Rastafarian.
World War C: Clurichaun
World War B: Bake-kujira
The Bake-kujira is a ghostly, super aggressive, 60-foot long skeletal whale of – surprise! – Japanese mythology. It’s immune to harpoons, although we imagine stealing its Vitamin D supplements would have a pretty devastating effect.
World War A: Ahuizotl
A creature from Aztec myth, the Ahuizotl is a fire-breathing dog-monkey hybrid, which also exactly describes the pet we told everyone we totally had back in elementary school.