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This Just In: Crows Are As Smart As Humans

Well, baby humans that is.

Photo: Photography

In a recent study funded partially by the University of Auckland, it was found that New Caledonian crows, natives of the Southwest Pacific, have similar cognitive abilities to that of a human child. In a series of experiments taken straight out of Aesop's Fables, this crow proved his wit by successfully dropping stones and other weighted objects into a tube of water, thereby attaining an otherwise elusive bit of food. The crow failed some other tests, bringing the study to the conclusion that “New Caledonian crows possess a sophisticated, but incomplete, understanding of the causal properties of displacement, rivaling that of 5–7 year old children.” This discovery brings us to the conclusion that our 5-7 year old children really need to get their shit together. You’re literally as smart as a bunch of birds? Come on guys! All you babies out there reading this had better shape up, or else these super crows might swoop in and take over, Hitchcock style.

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