What do the Pope, the NSA, and the Seahawks defensive back have in common?
Angry Birds Are Spying on Us
According to documents leaked by Edward Snowden, and published by the New York Times, the Guardian, and Pro Publica, the NSA has been spying on America's vast population of procrastinators. According to the Times, "When a smartphone user opens Angry Birds...and starts slinging birds at chortling green pigs, spies could be lurking in the background to snatch data revealing the player’s location, age, sex and other personal information, according to secret British intelligence documents." So, that's disconcerting. And it's not just Angry Birds – there are loads of apps that Big Brother can tap into to get their filthy hands on your buddy lists, address books, photos, and – presumably – your proficiency in flinging avian predators at shoddy construction sites. No word yet on whether your Candy Crush addiction will land you on NSA watch lists, but stay tuned to this developing story.
Angry Birds Attack Pope's Peaceful Birds
In a story out of the Vatican that had twitter doomsayers proclaiming "apocalypse!", "Armageddon!", and "OMEN!", two white "peace doves" released by Pope Francis and two children were viciously attacked by a seagull and a crow. National Geographic claims that the Hitchcockian horror-show was simply the result of the doves' white coloring. Meaning, this was not just a typical case of feathered furries from the wrong side of the tracks picking on the weak. No, this was clearly a racially motivated hate crime. A satanic, apocalyptic, racially motivated hate crime.
Angry Bird Reflects on All the Attention He's Getting Leading Up to the Super Bowl
America's most famous Angry Bird, at least this week, is surely Richard Sherman, the Seattle Seahawks defensive back whose post-game tirade two Sundays ago made him public enemy No. 1 to some Americans, and a hero to the rest. In his (really quite thoughtful) column for Sports Illustrated, Sherman reflected on all the attention (like that dove attack, it was racially motivated!), what he might have done differently (unclear), and the NFL (they always win!). "If I could pass a lesson on to the kids it would be this: Don’t attack anybody," writes Sherman. "I shouldn’t have attacked Michael Crabtree the way I did." That's nice. He regrets letting things get out of hand. "I may have been wrong in my gestures," Sherman concludes, "but if I had to do it all again, I’d probably do some of the same things. It was a big moment, and it was how I felt at the time." Oh, so, no regrets? It's confusing, but at the very least, one angry bird seems at least a little less angry this week.
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