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Vatican Struck by Lightning After Pope Resigns

It's just a coincidence, right...?

Photo: Filippo Monteforte / AFP / Getty Images

Unless you live under an incredibly heavy rock, you've probably heard about Pope Benedict XVI stepping down from his holy platform, attributing the decision to his advanced age and declining health. As the first Pope to make such a ballsy move in nearly 700 years, the news sent major shockwaves through both the religious community and the world. While nearly everyone and their mom had an opinion on the matter (be it extreme or awkwardly hilarious), it's an act of God himself that leads us to believe that he is probably fucking pissed.

Late Monday night the Vatican was struck by lightning multiple times, just hours after the Pope's decision became public. Sure, the incident could have been caused by a plain old electrical storm, but other unusual worldwide phenomena seem to support the idea that a higher power is trying to send us a message.

Case in point: Did you hear about how it's raining spiders in Brazil? That's right: it is RAINING FUCKING SPIDERS. From the sky. Thousands of the eight-legged creatures dangled from electrical poles and trees, clearly contemplating how comfortable and warm the insides of everyone's noses and ears looked and waiting for them to fall asleep so they could crawl inside, make a nest, give birth to baby spiders, and OH GOD WE CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

If only the lightning and the spiders were the worst of it. For indisputable proof that God hates us, look no further than this morning's CBS headline: The Backstreet Boys are planning to release a documentary film. If boy bands start making a comeback then we'll know to prep for a looming apocalypse.

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