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Wanted: Boobs For Nick Lachey

As Greg Focker taught us, you can milk anything with nipples.

As if it’s not weird enough (and terribly embarrassing) to be the identifying member of a boy band drooled over by ‘90s tweens, Nick Lachey is now expressing his desire for breasts and for his newborn child to suck on them.

Well actually, not really. But his wife and baby mama Vanessa Minnillo indicated as much in a recent interview with some women's magazine, explaining that if Lachey suddenly grew a pair of knockers and could nurse their little boy, he would.

We want to give Nick a congratulatory slap on the back for officially joining the likes of creepy dads like Woody Allen, Michael Jackson, and Joe Simpson – from whom he expertly learned the tools of the trade when he was married to Jessica Simpson. It may not be as bad as marrying your child or obsessing over your daughter's succulent curvy figure, but it’s definitely on the level of making them wear a  peacock mask (sorry MJ). So, well done.

We also suggest she keep him away from Propecia and the Lifetime movie network.

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