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When Animals Attack…Their Own Genitals

Listen, animals are cute and cuddly. Is it any wonder that they want to fondle themselves? And that we want to watch? To celebrate their sexual progressiveness, masturbating-animals blog, The Self-Petting Zoo, shared the best in wanking wildlife videos. Enjoy, perverts!

 

Ladies and gentleman, the auto-fellating walrus:

 

 
 
If this Bull Terrier could speak, he’d probably say, “Leg-humping? I’m too old for that shit.” Then he’d yell at you to get haircut, kick you out of his den and quietly rub one out in between watching “Matlock” and taking naps.
 
 

 

Furthering the notion that anything a panda does is adorable - just try not to aww while watching this bear furiously beat off.

 

 

This is like the Cymbalta commercial of the animal kingdom. Depression hurts, and this ape has completely lost interest in tugging it. But just when you think he’s about to noose a vine around his neck, his mood lifts when he takes his masturbatory act in front of a group of kids. Because scarring children for life is the monkey version of popping SSRIs.

 

 

This turtle has terrible taste in shoes:

 

 

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