Listen, animals are cute and cuddly. Is it any wonder that they want to fondle themselves? And that we want to watch? To celebrate their sexual progressiveness, masturbating-animals blog, The Self-Petting Zoo, shared the best in wanking wildlife videos. Enjoy, perverts!
Ladies and gentleman, the auto-fellating walrus:
Furthering the notion that anything a panda does is adorable - just try not to aww while watching this bear furiously beat off.
This is like the Cymbalta commercial of the animal kingdom. Depression hurts, and this ape has completely lost interest in tugging it. But just when you think he’s about to noose a vine around his neck, his mood lifts when he takes his masturbatory act in front of a group of kids. Because scarring children for life is the monkey version of popping SSRIs.
This turtle has terrible taste in shoes: