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When Crappy Animals Attack

Sometimes, people get mauled by the benchwarmers of the animal kingdom.


Photo Credit: Istockphoto

Fleas
Investigating an abandoned house in Connecticut last year, fire fighters were forced back to their trucks as thousands upon thousands of fleas laid siege. The men were bitten so many times that they had to be taken to the hospital to be tested for bubonic plague. It’s not certain what incited the insects’ wrath - could it be they were part of the “Flea Party” movement? [Editor’s note: No, it’s not. Also, you’re fired.]


Photo Credit: Istockphoto

Seagulls
They may spend most of their days picking at discarded burger wrappers in coastal towns, but these pointless white bottom-feeders of the avian world manned up on British student Amy Derham in Brighton in 2010. Spotting a baby gull injured on the sidewalk, Amy crossed over the road with the intention of helping it, only to be pounced on by an adult seagull that attacked her skull, leaving her dripping with blood from a deep wound and needing a tetanus jab at the local emergency room.


Photo Credit: Istockphoto

Cows
Bulls may be the no-nonsense action heroes of the bovine scene, yet the ordinary grass-munching cow can also get pumped up for a rumble if too many humans get in their way. Brit Terry Dack was walking through a field with his two children in Norwood Green, England, last year when around 30 to 40 cows surrounded them and charged Dack Senior, battering him to the ground and knocking him unconscious. “I play football and would have thought I’d be able to get out of the way, but I didn’t have time,” said Mr. Dack, when released from hospital. Soccer scoutsare presumably still negotiating contract terms with the cow in question.


Photo Credit: Istockphoto

Squirrels
Although commonly known for being cute, fluffy and, generally speaking, utterly pointless, squirrels have been beefing up their rep considerably in recent years with numerous attacks on humans. The Psycho Squirrel gold medal goes to one raging sociopath in the town of Passau, Germany, who jumped through a window to sink its teeth into three different people in one living room before the grandfather of the family killed it with his crutches. Don’t worry, we’re already researching our “When Grandpas Attack” article.


Photo Credit: Istockphoto

Goats
Goats are known more for their cavalier definition of the word “edible” than being hard-asses, but one specimen in Abbotsford, Canada, developed a severe thirst for action when he escaped from his tethered post earlier this year. Roaming to the house next door, the goat rammed a car parked in the driveway, attacked the front door, and head-butted the BBQ. After the owner’s attempts to scare it off with a volley of empty beer bottles failed – this is how we’re picturing the goat’s reaction – she was forced to call the police. The incident is widely considered to be the single most violent crime in Canadian history.


Photo Credit: Istockphoto

Otters
They may seem like harmless water-borne rodents, but tri-athlete Leah Prudhomme saw the raging dark side of one otter when swimming in Island Lake, MN. Latching onto her thigh, the otter's first bite cut through to the bone. The feisty critter managed 24 more bites before Leah’s father could pull her out of the water and onto his boat. "I've never seen or heard of it before," conservation officer Mike Scott told the local news. "We've got otters everywhere … lakes, streams. Most times, swimmers wouldn't even know it. Otters usually stay away." It’s otterly baffling! [Editor’s note: Seriously. So fired.]

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