Check out the rest of our Holiday Party!
Personalized Coffee Mug (gifts.com)A picture of the dog whose crap you both clean up does not make for an enjoyable a cup o' joe in the morning. This gift is so lacking in creativity, he/she may fear it'll carry over to the bedroom.
Instead, buy it for:: The co-worker you got stuck being Secret Santa for.
"My Therapy" Journal (uncommongoods.com)
Why not give a Xanax prescription? Unless you're dating a 15-year-old they'll perceive you as blank as the pages of the gift itself.
Instead, buy it for: The teetering-on-dementia grandparent who you can trick into leaving you everything in it.
Big Red Cyber Jelly Dong Sex Toy (bettersex.com)
Like giving your boss the latest Sharper Image item, it's something that can totally render you obsolete. What are you thinking?
Instead, buy it for: The senior who towel-snapped you constantly freshman year, with a note encouraging him or her to come out.
Bed, Bath and Beyond Gift Certificate
Even if it's her favorite store, you're basically saying you're willing to put more effort into moving your bowels in the morning than coming up with a present for them.
Instead, buy it for: That friend with B.O.
Cartoon Character Ties (tiewarehouse.com)
Nothing says nerd more than a Homer Simpson tie, and nothing says "I think you're a nerd" more than buying one for someone.
Instead, buy it for: Your brother. Who's a nerd.
iRobot Vacuum Cleaner (irobot.com)
Who are you, George Jetson? A gift straight out of the passive aggressive catalogue, this'll quiet things down in the bedroom quicker than herpes. No matter how space-age cool, it's still like giving Windex.
Instead, buy it for: Your sister.
Trucker Babe Flask (bewild.com)
Just how did these booze-smuggling devices get to a place where they're produced in beautiful bronzed or diamond-studded models anyway? The "trucker babe flask" has a certain kitschy charm, but unless you're a hip-hop mogul defined by your bling, this gift either says, "I like you better drunk" or, "Please get busted for a D.U.I."
Instead, buy it for: The co-worker in AA who got the promotion over you.
Giada de Laurentiis Cookbook
Why not just vomit onto the plate of pasta your lady just made you? It's the same message. Plus, there's the bonus message that you think Giada's really hot—which she is, but it's still a total shortcut to poison in your pudding.
Instead, buy it for: Your mother-in-law.
Rod Stewart's Still the Same: Great Rock Classics of Our Time
How long before Stewart cuts a record full of Rod Stewart songs? Legend or not, cut the crap, not another covers record. What's next, a Twisted Sister Christmas record? (Oops, me thinks there is one!)
Instead, buy it for: Are you illiterate? No one!
"I'm Too Sexy for My Socks" Socks (absolutesocks.com)
Leave socks in general to the moms, grandmas, sisters, et al, and the ones with funny sayings on them still in the store. Even with a cute line stitched into the fabric, this is one step away from deodorant or tampons.
Instead, buy it for: The roommate with foot odor.