Ah, the weekend. Two fleeting days to convince yourself you have some measure of control over your life. But planning out activities and amusements is a lot of pressure—which is why we're here to take some of the burden off your shoulders. And we promise not to let your boss know about all that extra shoulder space that could be used for at least eight more job responsibilities.
1. MOVIES
Dinner for Schmucks (opens July 30) - Paul Rudd plays an upwardly mobile young professional whose bosses compete in a cruel game where they see who can bring the dumbest guests to a monthly dinner party. Steve Carell is Rudd's idiot. It's based on a French movie, but all the Frenchness has been removed via the traditional Swiss Water Process.
2. MOVIES
Get Low (opens July 30) - Bill Murray continues his string of kinda funny, kinda sad movies with this based-on-a-true story tale of a backwoods Tennessee hermit (Robert Duvall) who plans his own funeral party. It's directed by a cinematographer, so it looks great, too. Off the beaten path, sure, but not everything has to be superheroes and TV nostalgia.
3. DVDS
Clash of the Titans (released July 27) - If you want to release the Kraken this weekend (hey now), you should grab this remake of the early 80s campfest (on Blu-ray if possible). Dumping the original's cheeseball special effects and interminable pace for more action and monsters, this Clash mostly delivers the goods. A Poseidon-approved beach weekend kind of movie.
4. TV
Jersey Shore: Season Two (Kicks off July 29) - It's back. The MTV reality show starring New Yorkers set in Miami yet inexplicably still called "Jersey Shore" begins its second season. Watch as Snooki continues to walk around looking like a balling ball with implants while JWoww walks around looking like a hot chick…with implants.
5. MUSIC
Rock Con (East Rutherford, New Jersey July 30 - August 1) - If you like the idea of Comic Con but, you know, get laid occasionally, then you need to hit Rock Con in the Garden State. The first-ever national Rock & Roll fan fest arrives at the Meadowlands—it's like a pre-concert tailgate party without the concert.
6. SURF
Surf Festival (Redondo Beach, California July 30) - If you "head to the beach" rather than "go down the shore," then you'll want to attend this celebration of surfing in the sport's native habitat. There's lifeguard races, sand soccer tournaments, beach runs, and, of course, ridiculously tanned and cut bodies to ogle from behind your Ray Bans.