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Your Weekend Six Pack: Nov. 18-20

Ah, the weekend. Two fleeting days to convince yourself you have some measure of control over your life. But planning out activities and amusements is a lot of pressure—which is why we're here to take some of the burden off your shoulders. And we promise not to let your boss know about all that extra shoulder space that could be used for at least eight more job responsibilities.

USC vs. Oregon
USC vs. Oregon (Nov. 19, 8 p.m. ET, ABC) - This Saturday, the team who we always word-associate with Greek mythology and condoms heads north to play the team that always makes us think of pee wee ice hockey and Emilio Estevez. And to borrow an expression from Gordon Bombay and Co., these no. four-ranked Ducks really do know how to fly together. With a perfect record in the PAC-12 and only one loss against first-ranked LSU, Oregon is one of the best teams in the country and certainly the best on the West Coast—the Ducks busted out a quack attack on Stanford last week, trouncing them on their home field. So, this is a big game for USC. Probably the biggest game given that, in their post-Reggie Bush scandal world, the Trojans are once again a bowl-less bunch with a mere two games left in the season. So expect USC to play hard…though it looks like star wide receiver Robert Woods is having ankle and shoulder troubles. Woods insists he’ll play, and with a shot to break Keyshawn Johnson’s 102-catch season record, it’s going to take a serious injury keep him on the bench, but don’t expect him to be 100%. However, we do expect USC to bring a fierce fight. As for the Ducks, it goes without saying that they’ll be mighty as ever on their home field this Saturday.

Donald Glover: Weirdo
Donald Glover: Weirdo (Nov. 19, 11 p.m., Comedy Central)
- This week is yet another reminder that Donald Glover is a jack of all trades: On Tuesday, he released his fourth rap album, Camp, under his alter ego, Childish Gambino; he’s on the much-praised and not-watched-enough NBC sitcom Community every Thursday (well, until this little hiatus that was just announced); and this Saturday, he’s doing a stand-up special on Comedy Central. Not bad for a 28-year-old. A writer for 30 Rock before he’d even graduated from NYU and one third of the much-YouTubed comedy group Derrick, Glover’s resume would be obnoxiously impressive if we didn’t think he was so damn likeable. We even gave him $848 of our money to spend and he blew most of it on a party…for his fans! We’re still looking for the fatal flaw here, but in the meantime we’ll tune into his stand-up because, with bits like his discussion of who can say the n-word and his preference for AIDS over fatherhood, we remember why this guy’s kind of a big deal: He’s funny.

Evil Dead II
Evil Dead II: 25th Anniversary Edition (Released Nov. 15) - Sam Raimi’s ’87 horror comedy gets a Blu-ray release for its 25th birthday. Bruce Campbell, a beloved figure in the Maxim office, and his detached hand continue to be a favorite pair of onscreen archenemies. Campbell’s showdown with the possessed extremity gives Edward Norton’s self-inflicted beat-down in Fight Club a run for its money. The retcon sequel to The Evil Dead is a classic within the genre, and if you’re a fan, this anniversary edition Blu-ray is a must: Extras include Swallowed Souls: The Making of Evil Dead II, a 90-minute documentary that includes interviews with the cast and crew and archival behind-the-scenes footage. With yet another Evil Dead on the way, scheduled to be released in 2013, we’ll be the first to give these movies a big hand—a big, bloodied, evil stump of a hand. And in case big Bruce is still wondering, “Who’s laughing now?!” The answer remains: All of us. 25 years later.

Assassin's Creed: RevelationsAssassin's Creed: Revelations (Released Nov. 15) - The third installment of Assassin's Creed follows an aging Ezio Auditore da Firenze on his longstanding quest to unlock the secrets of the universe—just your average midlife crisis, really. The game's setting is mostly a vibrant Constantinople during the rise of the Ottoman Empire, and you'll be able to do plenty of sightseeing, exploring, treasure hunting, weapon collecting, etc. It's a dream come true for anyone who is passionate about traveling...back in time! We didn't think it was possible without a DeLorean, but the Assassin's Creed series has a knack for historically accurate renderings, and when you add that to its strong graphics, it's a wild ride--particularly when you have the option of playing in 3D. So get ready for one last journey with Ezio, and then maybe the dude can finally put his feet up and have a beer, or goblet of wine…whatever the beverage of choice is in Constantinople (not Istanbul).

Onion News NetworkOnion News Network: Sex in America (Nov. 18, 10/9c, IFC) - The most reliable news source for all things funny has been bringing its breaking news to IFC for two seasons now. Tonight, the Onion News Network attempts to boost ratings with its subtle “Sex in America” episode. From the recent advances in creating secure environments for masturbation (robots are involved, obviously) to the X-rated activities being documented in the International Space Station, the ONN covers this week’s spiciest stories. Smart like Stewart and Colbert, but taken to the level of full-on parody, “America’s Finest News Source” is a perfect fit for TV. Now, if only there was some truth to their story about the latest technologies in masturbation security.

NASCARSprint Cup Championship: Ford 400 at Homestead-Miami Speedway (Nov. 20, 2 p.m. ET, ESPN) -The grand finale of the Sprint Cup Series goes down this Sunday—one final fury of burning rubber and gasoline fumes before the NASCAR season draws to a close. Carl Edwards enters this race with a three-point lead over Tony Stewart. If Edwards wins, he clinches the championship. But Stewart needs to finish three or more positions ahead of Edwards to make up for Edwards’ lead. The breakdown of possible outcomes is too reminiscent of a middle school math problem…that we probably couldn’t do now, so we’ll spare you the details. But it all adds up to an exciting final race—a race that’s one more reason why Miami is, to borrow the words from Fresh Prince William Smith, “the city where the heat is on.”