Choose liquid fire for faster face stuffing.
Fuego Element Portable Grill,$150
Most portable grills are purely utilitarian, consisting of little more than a metal grate and a fuel source. The Fuego Element Portable Grill is as likely to ignite conversation (or a shed) as a flame, while a built-in handle makes it easy to tote to the beach, park, or sneak into the office for a midday grilling break.
Char-Boil RED 580 4-Burner Infrared Grill, $580
If you want to sear a steak, there’s no quicker way than with an infrared grill, such as this mofo which uses specially made ceramic plates to quickly direct heat into needle-tipping territory. In other words: While your neighbors are waiting for their grill to heat up, you’ll already be on seconds. Which means you get first go on the bouncy castle!
Weber Summit E-620 Grill, $1300
If you’re feeding a ton of people, you’ll want a ton of burners. The Weber Summit E-620 gas grill comes with six heat-makers, so you can really shove it in your neighbor’s stupid, one-grilled face. Take that, douchey!
Char-Broil Grill2Go Ice, $200
Cold brats warm beer = lamest tailgate party ever. Solve both problems with the portable Char-Broil Grill2Go Ice. An infrared burner sears your meat without an open flame (magic!), while two 30-quart coolers ensure your friends will be too soused to notice you burned everything.
Brinkmann 5 Burner, $499
The Brinkmann 5 Burner with Smoker slays ’em four ways: a 50,000 BTU grill surface, a 12,000 BTU side burner, a 10,000 BTU rotisserie burner, and a 7,500 BTU vertical smoker. Good time to know that BTU stands for British thermal unit, the amount of energy needed to heat one pound of water one degree Fahrenheit, huh?
TEC G-Sport FR, $1,500 ($2,000 with base)
Medium-rare can be tricky, but the TEC G-Sport FR’s 100 percent infrared burner makes searing a steak at 800°F routine. And unlike cheaper infrareds, it can also go low (200°F) to smoke a turkey. Just promise us you won’t waste its power on silly vegetables.
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