We are sent a lot of unsolicited ideas from people who have very clearly never picked up a copy of the magazine or visited the Web site before; random, demographically dubious stuff ranging from men's eyeliner (still gay) to Golden Girls DVD box sets (still funny). But with unemployment at its highest level in 14 years, deflation threatening to jeopardize inflation, and hard-working Americans letting bored Chinese tourists teabag them for gas money, this press release struck deep into the cavity where our souls once lived before we were forced to pawn them.
Konquest, manufacturer of premium casual menswear—a seeming paradox which, literally translated, means "expensive shitty-looking clothing"—has finally climbed Mount Audacity to bring us its first $10,000 hoodie. That's right, a hooded sweatshirt. Ten thousand dollars. Feel free to punch to death in frustration the baby you can no longer afford to raise, we'll wait.
Better? Now marvel at the sweatshirt's luxuriant 100-percent cotton facade bedazzled with 4,000 real Swarovski crystals. Used to be, in a down economy you wanted to look well dressed without paying to look well dressed. Fuck that. Cashing in your last remaining savings to look like a hungry migrant laborer is THE preeminent way to flout financial ruin, and sales of Konquest's accompanying new product line even benefit schools in Uganda. Think about that every time you tug, irony-free, at this sweatshirt's three-carat diamond zipper pull.