With Gears Of War: Judgment out today, we’re getting itchy trigger fingers. The fingers we have left, anyway.
When the first Gears of War hit shelves seven years ago (yep, you are that old), gamers had a blast destroying the locust hoard and palling around with the COG crew. We could explain why with an in-depth look at the rich universe and story, or the gameplay that really defined the “cover shooter” genre. We could discuss the game’s complex characters wrestling with the deep emotional trauma of living in a post-apocalyptic world where friends and family are distant memories and the only constant is war. Or we could just say two words: chainsaw guns. Three words? Okay: guns with chainsaws. Yes, the genius weapons carried by the Gears of War heroes often included a chainsaw bayonet that was as jaw-droppingly cool as it was impractical. Or was it? Yes, guns with chainsaws aren’t just virtual lust objects, they actually (scarily) exist. See?
Custom M4
Do you love chainsaws and guns, but hate having a limited selection when it comes to combining the two (great - another AK-47? Sheesh)? Well, you’re in luck! Not only are you probably on an FBI watch list, but two helpful companies will make your combo-weapon dreams a reality. Double Star Corp. crafts guns and gun parts for the discerning gentleman, while Panacea X manufactures a chainsaw bayonet that Double Star will happily slap onto any of its weapons, like this custom M4. Supplies are limited, so hurry up and order before an invasion of subterranean monsters destroys the human race (or they, you know, run out).
Mossberg 500
A chainsaw is more than just a spinning blade of death - it’s a spinning blade of death and a very comfortable holding mechanism! Enter the Mossberg 500, a shotgun featuring a pistol grip and unique chainsaw handle. So what does that mean? Check out this (probably sober) guy in action. Essentially, you hold the weapon like a chainsaw and cock it from the handle…and it makes you look like a super soldier from the planet Kick Ass.
The Nerf Mod
If there’s anything that this NERF chainsaw mod proves, it’s that people on the Internet are terrifying geniuses. Using a NERF longshot and a miscellaneous toy chainsaw, NERFHaven forum member Foresaken_angel24 cobbled together a DIY masterpiece: a NERF Lancer. The required steps are carefully annotated, photographed, and described in detail, so why NERF hasn’t made an official line of these things yet is anybody’s guess (we’re going with Illuminati conspiracy).
The OMG AR-15 Unicorn
Fighting off an enemy grub isn’t the only use for a chainsaw! Little known fact, chainsaws were originally created for lumber harvesting, which is useful for furniture making, paper manufacture or other industrial applications. Also, killing zombies, which is where the OMG-AR 15 Unicorn with Chainsaw attachment comes in. A creation of Guns and Garden - who seem, frankly, a little light on the gardening for our taste – this custom AR-15 features the styling any 12-year-old Japanese girl will love, plus it has a fully functional chainsaw bayonet expressly designed for killing the undead. Also, the helpful folks at Guns and Garden removed the saw’s safety switch, so you can get to lopping off zombie heads (or your own) without delay.
The Lancer MK II (from the game)
And it wouldn’t be a list of chainsaw guns without the “real” thing: The Gears of War: Judgment Lancer replica. While it can’t fire 15 rounds a second or behead people, the weapon is an impressive three-feet long and it does have a spinning plastic blade with cool chainsaw sounds…provided you have the necessary three “C” batteries! Which is probably good enough to get you shot by the police in a lot of major metropolitan areas, so good luck.
Don’t forget to check out the awesome Maxim-sponsored multiplayer maps for Gears Of War: Judgment!