It's been a long, hard road to Internet stardom for Jessica Chobot. She worked a thankless job as an administrative assistant for several years and, yes, even spent time with the pimply man-horde at a local EB Games. That all changed one fateful day when a photo of her licking a PlayStation Portable surfaced on the Web...and the rest is history. She currently hosts and writes for IGN and, among other endeavors in the gamesphere, dishes out advice to our readers in her Ask Jess, Dammit! column. But, we turned the white hot light on the Chobotenator, making her dish on everything from creepy guys to crappy games and everything in between. (Head over to her gallery for some sexy geek photos, too!)

Check out her photo gallery here!

Answer this however you interpret it: What is the sexiest console?
If we're defining "sexy" on its looks alone, then I would have to choose the Nintendo Wii. The PS3 looks like a grill and the Xbox 360's shape and weird matte finish acquire dirt like no one's business. The Nintendo Wii just looks slick. Plus, it glows such a lovely shade of blue—how can you possibly resist?

What is your fondest gaming memory from childhood?
Getting my brother grounded after playing Street Fighter II. I'd lock his character into a corner with Chun-Li's lightening kick and he'd get so frustrated, he'd throw a temper tantrum. Inevitably, one of my parents would overhear, ground him and then I'd get the system all to myself. [Evil laugh]

You became an Internet star after a photo of you licking a PSP showed up on the Web. Did Sony ever give you residuals?
Yeah, funny how that one picture blew up. It's been copied so often! Part of me feels special and is flattered. The other part is like, "Oh Christ." As for Sony, they have never acknowledged that photo, except when they attempted a weird graffiti campaign with an odd-looking kid on a skateboard licking the PSP like it was a rocket pop. Money-wise? Nope. Nada.

What 2009 holiday season game are you dying to get your hands on?
Ha! Nothing! Every friggin' game I've been waiting to play was delayed until 2010! [Sighs] Right now, everyone is in the office is going gah-gah over Batman: Arkham Asylum, but I think I'm going to hold off until I finish up some of my backlogged titles. I'll use the rest of 2009 to get up to speed.

What is one game a lot of people like but you think is overrated?
Oh man, here comes the hate. Out of more recent titles, I'll have to go with Fallout 3. In fact, I just came to that conclusion recently. I was all about it when it first came out and spent quite a lot of time playing it. Then, one day while firing up the 360 to try and cover more ground, it hit me: I'm not really having any fun.  

Where should a guy take Jessica Chobot on a first date?
There's a ton of cool places! Maybe a haunted house (a real haunted house—not some fake Halloween one) or some weird museum, like the Museum of Jurassic Technology in Los Angeles. Or, the local Little Tokyo/Japantown for sake, sushi, karaoke and manga/anime/import movie-hunting. 

What was the worst date you’ve ever been on?
It was with this one guy my mom tried setting me up with. He was nice enough but pretty boring. He also had really thin wrists and women hands. I couldn't handle that. 

Turn-ons? Go.
Besides the standard requirements: not crazy or a mass murderer - I'd have to shoot for interesting. He can be an uber-hot male model, but if he isn't motivated, creative, intelligent or just cool to talk to, then I want nothing to do with him. Beauty only takes you so far.

Turn-offs?
Guys that are self-absorbed and/or talk down to women. I do not have the time or patience to deal with that kind of douchebaggery.

What’s the No. 1 thing guys do that totally eliminates them from being boyfriend material?
Farting. I cannot stand guys, or girls for that matter, that fart around others on purpose. That is methane air that has been surrounding the turd in your butt, for chrissakes! Have more effing respect! Also, on a less aggressive tip: snoring. I cannot stand snoring. If you snore, then you're done.

You’ve probably met a lot of celebrities while on the job. Who’s one person you would move heaven and earth to meet?
Normally I would say Lynda Carter from Wonder Woman fame, but I actually met her at the Pirates of the Caribbean 2 premiere. Now, I would have to say Siouxsie Sioux from Siouxsie and the Banshees.

 

You travel all around the world from game convention to game convention—how do you keep yourself looking so damn sexy?
Oftentimes, I watch those vids from the convention and think, Oh my God! I look exhausted! So it's nice to hear that through it all, I still look somewhat presentable. I chuck it up to fantastic under eye concealer, lots of coffee and a neverending supply of sugar.

If you died and came back as any real or fictional character, who would you be and why?
I would love to walk a day in Marlene Dietrich's shoes. She's another one of my major idols. I would have chosen her for the celebrity meet-and-greet question, but she's dead.

You’re a girl. You’re famous on the Web. You must have creepy stalkers. Tell us about your worst one.
Actually, there aren't any! My fans are very respectful and quite fun to interact with. Of course, there are the haters, but that's to be expected. Anytime you're in a public role within a primarily male-dominated industry, have opinions and aren't afraid to talk about them, some people are going to get hot under the collar. I also have a dream job which many people covet. So I can understand when the green-eyed monster makes an appearance. Because of that I make a concerted effort, especially when things get hard to deal with, to remind myself to be grateful for what has happened within my life and career. I think people respond to that and can see that I'm here because I'm passionate about it and love what I do.

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Make sure to check back soon for the re-launch of Ask Jess, Dammit! Send in your relationship inquiries to maximaskjessica@gmail.com.