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Q: Dear Jessica:
For years I dated a girl who I thought was the one. An opportunity to study abroad made us try the always difficult long distance relationship and three months ago we broke up to ease the tensions of being far away from each other. Well, I found out she is dating a jerk. I called her and even though she said loud and clear that I am the one for her and that she is in love with me, she doesn't want to break up with him to continue our long distance relation. Why is she doing that? Should I go back and fight for her? Is she bluffing? Any advice? —Man in distress

JESS: I suspect I'm not getting the full story here. Who left whom to study abroad? If you left her to take this opportunity (even with her blessing beforehand) she still might be harboring some resentment, feelings of abandonment and so on and so forth. Additionally, who decided to bring up the option of "relieving" the stress of long-distance via breaking up? Was it you? The man who professed his love for her and yet, left her behind? 

That is just a few questions/scenarios that could possibly explain the reluctance on her part to get rid of this other guy. He is there and you are not. Up to this point, he has been something that is secure. I have no doubt that her confessions of love for you are sincere but love isn't always enough to make a relationship work. Especially once hard-core seed of doubt have been planted. If YOU are positive that you want this woman in your life, then you need to seriously sit down and ponder over a few things:

- Are you only asking her to get back together because you're all butt-hurt that this other guy has offered her a shoulder to cry on?
- Are you ready to put forth some serious effort to maintain the relationship again, long distance or not?
- Can you handle the trust issues that may crop up between the two of you now?
- If you do give it another shot, are you going to give it 110% from the start and not let past issues (your break-up) or other individuals (this new guy of hers) get in the way?

If you can truthfully answer "yes" to all of these questions then, at this point, the only thing stopping you from flying back home and being the knight in shining armor she's always dreamed of you being, is YOU.

Unless she is bluffing, in which case you're screwed. Just consider that a small warning.

I wish you luck.

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Q: Jessica,
I went over to a coworkers house to talk. We start drinking wine and I asked her if I could do something that I have wanted to do for a long time. She tells me, "OK," so I leaned in and kissed her and told her I loved her. We kissed some more. Then we started to slow dance and things started going a bit further, but I made the decision to leave her house. I had to be back at work at 8 AM and it was 2 AM.  Now, she gives me the cold shoulder and just does not even say hi to me anymore. Before all of this happened, everyone in the office thought we were dating. Now I can't stand to see her or talk to her. Why did she play me like that? I did not play any games with her. I told her how I felt about her. Why is she playing these games with me? —Confused

JESS: I'm not so sure that she's playing games with you. It might be closer to the truth to say that she is probably embarrassed and in order to avoid any potential confrontation, she is ignoring you.

The clue(s) to your issue can be found in the statements, " I went to a coworkers house to talk," and "we start drinking wine."

First of all, it's always dangerous to mix work with pleasure! You should have known that there would be a risk involved in pursuing her. Secondly, getting drunk NEVER helps an already questionable situation. While it's no excuse, it also can't be denied that people have a tendency to let their guards down and their common sense fly right out the window when alcohol is imbibed.

Your feelings may have been sincere but there is just as strong of a chance that hers were not. In the stark and harsh sun of the 9-to-5 work day, she's looking to get out of the uncomfortable situation she's gotten herself mixed up in.

If you are determined to get answers, then by all means try having a calm talk with her. DO NOT harass her or hound her about it - it'll only make work absolutely miserable for yourselves and everyone else around you. If she rejects your attempts for a sit down, then let it go and chuck this one up to a life lesson.

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Q: Hey, here's my question...I have a slightly "strange" fetish where I get turned on by the thought, sight, and even smell of girls farting.  I have even gotten excited by watching girls poop on video or on websites.  (You'd be surprised how many there are.)  Anyway, how can I bring this up to a girl without her thinking I'm a weirdo?  Thanks in advance for any advice. —FetishFanWithaProblem

JESS: Ummmm.....wow.

I think you may have stumped me. Other than hitting up fetish blogs and boards in order to find like-minded individuals, I'm really at a loss about bringing up something like this to your standard date.

Yeah dude. I have NO idea.

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Q: There is this girl at work i really like but this douche I work with keeps trying to move in on her while we are talking. What do I do?

JESS: Maybe you should try asking her out before he does. DOH!

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Q: Hi-
I've been good friends with this one girl since middle school. I've always wanted to ask her out and decided a little while ago to give it a try. Long story short, I got rejected (she asked for a rain check and I didn't hear or see her until we got the same summer job). The problem now is I can't quite get over her. I really liked her and something in my brain does not want give this up. I know it would be best to get over it and try to get back to being just friends but I don't know how. I work with her regularly so I can't just avoid her (I wouldn't want to anyway). Any tips?

JESS: I think you should consider that asking for a rain check isn't an automatic rejection. While it certainly isn't the response you wanted, it isn't without hope! In fact, I have a close friend who has been in love with a girl he's known for years. He hinted and somewhat asked her out a while back and she gave him a rain check-y response. Just recently, he asked her again. This time she accepted! They are now official boyfriend and girlfriend (awwwwwww).

So, that prompts me to tell you: Wait a few months from when you originally asked her and then hit her up again about the potentially awesome love match betwixt the two of you. If she is still wishy-washy about it the second time, then you should just let bygones be bygones, accept her friendship and try to move on as best you can.

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Jessica Chobot is a lifetime gamer and zombie slaughterer. When she's not lovingly staring at her limited-edition, Japanese import Hello Kitty Dreamcast, she is a video host and writer for IGN.com and GreenPixels.com. Check out IGN Strategize, Jessica’s weekly video with tips and tricks to kick ass on your favorite games.

Rating:

Reviewed by: Gerasimos Manolatos

Price: $29.99–$59.99

The Skinny: The battle for Earth continues when the Decepticons seek to resurrect the remains of The Fallen, a treacherous member of the original Primes who wants to sap all of the bot juice from the planet. You can play on the side of the Autobots and provide the citizens of the world a stay of execution or lead the Decepticons with prospects of world domination. Either way, Megan Fox makes an appearance, and that already puts the game ahead of the curve.

The Good: If you ever muttered the phrase "When I grow up, I want to be a Transformer!" you'll finally get the chance to do just that. (We've scrubbed away all memory of the pile of crap made for the first film.) T: RofF combines the essence of what it takes to be a Transformer—be large, have cool guns, blow stuff up—into one tight package without sacrificing any of the mythology. (In other words, you won't find any metalheads transforming into super sexy college co-eds found in the movie.) The story pretty much follows the movie's major plot points, pushing you from one scene to the next while unlocking side quests that flesh out each encounter a bit more. For example, you'll engage in a naval battle on a main quest mission, but then be able to eliminate hostile Decepticons in the area in a second mission. However, there are a few large deviations, especially near the end of the game, that warrants some headscratching. (Then again, Michael Bay's plot wasn't exactly Shakespearean in nature either.)

The Bad: In the movie, you'll find slick maneuvers and eye-popping fight scenes. In the game, not so much. Sure, they may be alien beep-boopers, but the developers could have done a bit more to not make the Transformers move, well, like robots. The special effects present in the game aren't impressive and when it's time to actually roll out into a mission, the graphics are bad enough that you'll have to be reminded you're not playing on a PS2. (To be fair, the menu areas are pretty slick and showcase the bots quite well.) We also didn't like the one-off mission of saving Megan Fox. You'd think Activision would put one of the hottest females on Earth a bit more front and center to gloss over the game's inadequacies, but that, unfortunately, doesn't happen.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: You'll be able to unlock four episodes of the G1 Transformers cartoon series by completing certain achievements. Only thing is they come in YouTube quality. Really?

Buy, Rent, or Disembowel: Considering it took us about three hours to complete the Autobots campaign and about the same amount for Decepticons, you're going to want to give this one a rent over the weekend. Of course, you can always buy it just to experience Megan Fox calling for your help over and over again.

If high school gym class consisted of showing off your nonexistent skills as an athlete and avoiding Dirk, the class bully, you might want to turn away from your screen.

Behold, the official NBA 2K10 collector's edition package you will be able to pick up for $99.99 when it hits stores this October. 2K Sports has put together a pretty decent offering for the tenth anniversary of their flagship basketball title, which hopes to "deliver the most realistic, stylistic, and feature-rich simulation experience ever available in the NBA 2K franchise." Apparently that includes giving you something to stuff midget nerds into in the form of a metal lockers.

Inside the special edition set are these goodies:
> NBA 2K10 video game
> 2K Sports' NBA 2K10 game locker 
> 3" Figurine of Kobe Bryant by McFarlane Toys
> 16" x 36" Kobe Bryant poster
> Commemorative NBA 2K 10th anniversary DVD
> Access to the Gold Room, the NBA 2K10 VIP online lobby (accessible only with Xbox LIVE® and PlayStation®Network membership)

You have to get a bit lucky to snag one of these babies: Only 30,000 will be made and each will be individually numbered for authenticity. For an even luckier ten purchasers, an autographed Kobe Bryant fine-art print, designed by Shepard Fairey's Studio Number One, will be hidden and randomly packaged among the different lockers.

The game was already our pick of last year's litter, but having something like this populating our place of residence to show off to nobody in particular just made the deal just a tad sweeter. Just a tad though, no more.

And we thought our jobs were cool. Imagine heading into the office and having this kind of conversation:

Boss: "Hey, Bob. What are you working on?"

Artist: "Oh, you know, same ol' same ol'. Finishing up some snazzy renderings of fictional dragons and hobbits."

Boss: "Oh, great. Well, we're switching gears today and starting work on a game for the Transformers movie. John's working on animations, Cindy's fine-tuning the graphics, and we're going to need you to do some character drawings."

Artist: "Oh, great. What do you need from me?"

Boss: "This..." *Slides issue of Maxim with Megan Fox on the cover*

Artist: *Head explodes*

Yeah, so Megan Fox, also known as No. 2 on our 2009 Hot 100 list and star of the biggest movie this year, makes an illustrious appearance in the video game tie-in. Unfortunately, it's only for one mission where you must go to her rescue. Her and her flailing breasts arms can be seen to the left. Note to Activision: Megan-centric downloadable content or bust!

Millions of kiddies are finishing off another year of school, but a select few are finally putting the kibosh on four years of what will probably be the most awkward years of their lives: high school. This got the overgrown brains powering Pwn or Die to thinking. They already put together a yearbook photo of Master Chief, the Halo protagonist, but you have never seen the USMC soldier like this—the subject of 12 strange high school senior portraits. Seeing them brought back so many memories: the afterschool beatdowns, the times we spent at The Max, the notes passed around to girls in Math class that read "Do you want to go to the spring mixer with me? Circle one: yes maybe no" Ah yes...what a horrible, wretched time.  Click through to check out the rest of Master Chief's senior photos.

 

If you missed this weekend's Satan-driven conniption by a kid who's World of Warcraft account was canceled by his mother, the wonderful people on the Internet have gone ahead and produced a remixed version (embedded above). But, seriously, why any level of anger would cause one to attempt to shove a remote control up their own butthole is beyond us.

If you haven't heard, a small independent movie sequel is being released this week called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Okay, we jest: Enough money was spent on the movie's production to send a gaggle of CEOs into the sunset of life with golden parachutes. Of course, with nearly every big budget film, comes a hurriedly put-together video game that will probably make you and your wallet cry. (In the case of the first Transformers, they were robot tears.)

Alas, Shia LeBeouf has championed the dreams of nerds everywhere for a great movie tie-in game and has promised that the game based on the upcoming film will not suck Allspark ass. Below, he amuses us with words about being a video game nerd, possessing super powers, and "doing it all the time" with Megan. Playing Madden, that is.

MAXIM: How did you get involved with the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen game?
SHIA LABEOUF: I'm a video game fan and I always thought it would be cool to be able to control a character. I saw the first game and I was kind of disappointed. The whole reason I got into it was because I could move myself around—you know, play with myself, literally. [Laughs]

But, really, I have a problem with movie games. A lot of people say, "Oh, this is a fucking movie game—who cares?" I wanted this game to prove them wrong. You usually don't get the cast to come in and re-do some of the dialogue and storylines. They also changed some things around: Every second matters, there are goals and objectives, just more variety. But, I'm still not, you know—I'm a gamer for sure, but this doesn't necessarily fall into my type of games. I'm into different type of games completely.

Which ones?
I guess it's not right for me to promote another game when I'm trying to promote this game, but I like strategy games like Civilization.

You recently said that you were ashamed of how many games you have. Can you tell us how many?
I don't really know the number. It's somewhere in the multiple thousands.

They must just send you boxes and boxes of games, right?
No, I buy my games. Tyrese gets free games and I don't.

THE BATTLE OF THE BEAUTIES

Olivia Wilde is No. 1 on this year's Hot 100, Megan Fox at No. 2. What do you have to say about that? Shia: Fucking ridiculous! You can't ask me that question, I'm biased. I'm sure Olivia's a really sweet girl but... Although Megan did say she wanted to strangle an ox for how beautiful Olivia was... It's flattery, how ever way you chop it up. They're both gorgeous.

We just played the new Transformers game and it seems Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) never says "Please."
Ahh, that's not cool. You need a "Please."

Your character is more polite...
Yeah, you like Sam Witwicky more. I'd like it if you could write that somewhere in the article, that you like Sam more, he's more polite. How about, "Overall, he's just a more enjoyable presence." [Laughs]

Done and done. If you could have special powers from a game in real life, which would you have? Think Street Fighter...
A really cool, spinning badass kick. One that that was only my own, nobody else could even attempt it. Hey, you: Don't try to do that spinning kick, you know that's not yours!

Have you and Megan battled each other in a video game?
Oh, yeah, we do it all the time. We play Madden—I'm really good, but she's a good sport. She still plays and she's into it.

What percentage of games do you win against her?
It's a bad percentage, really bad. [Laughs]

What have you enjoyed the most about doing the second movie?
It's bigger, faster, and stronger. If the first one was massive, this is gargantuan. It's up there with some of the biggest movies—it might be the biggest film ever made.

Who are your favorite Transformers in the new one?
The Devastator is the most outrageous Transformer, just the mass destruction that thing can create is a fucking really insane thought. Six or seven robots on top of each other, all of those attributes in one really wild creature.



At our Hot 100 party, Michael Bay mentioned that he had written the script so that there wasn't necessarily a need for another movie.
Yeah, that's right. We could, but it's not necessary. I think that this movie is going to be very hard to top, it may be even impossible to make a movie that hits harder than this does.

Apparently, you have to spend this Sunday being at the back and call of your father, but that doesn't mean you can't perform the aforementioned beckoning and calling without a video game controller in both your hands. The problem is convincing your old man that the box of lights you call an Xbox 360, PS3, or Wii isn't a well-disguised device smuggled in by the Communists for the purposes of spying on America. Here are three video games that are dad-friendly and Maxim-approved.

Fight Night Round 4 (PS3, Xbox 360)
Price: $59.99
EA Sports is pulling out all the stops with the fourth installment of their boxing game, which features 48 licensed fighters (Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali are the cover athletes) and ultra-realistic animations and graphics. While the game's single-player Legacy mode has seen a complete renovation (really, things can only go up from the suckfest the third game offered up), the offline multi-player is where you'll probably spend most of your time giving your dad the old what-for. Nothing says "Happy Father's Day" like an uppercut to your father's virtual face.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (PS3, Xbox 360, PC, Wii, PS2, PSP, DS)
Price: $29.99–$59.99
The movie is debuting on Wednesday, but that shouldn't stop you from plunking down some dinero for the movie tie-in game, especially when it features Megan Fox. We'd normally recommend hiding children from and not looking directly at the box cover of a movie-inspired game, but we got a glimpse of T: RotF at a closed demo recently and it was fun. And not in the "watch other people writhe in pain" kind of fun either.

Grand Slam Tennis (Wii)
Price: $49.99
Wimbledon starts up this weekend, and there's no better way to get in the game than with the company that says "it's in the game" all of the time. EA Sports' Wii-exclusive tennis game (the Xbox 360 and PS3 versions will be arriving later on this year) features Wii Motion Plus controls so when dad swings his arm in the air like the crazy person he is, you'll be able to see his character do the same on the television. You'll probably be busy trying to reposition the game's camera to see Maria Sharapova's life-like underpants.