Welcome back to "Ask Jess, Dammit!"
It's E3 time again guys, so this week's Ask Jess, Dammit! is going to be a short, sweet and to the point! For those of you that don't know, E3 is one of the biggest videogame expos in the world. It's a HUGE deal for the industry and I'll be doing my thing for IGN from the E3 show floor this year. If you manage to sneak in, come swing on by and check things out (and say, "hi" if I'm not in the midst of an interview). Hope to see you there! In the meantime, enjoy my attempts at solving the mythos of huge wieners, sleeping with your friend's girlfriend and an actual testimonial from a previous article!

Want to keep up-to-date with Ask Jess, Dammit!? Subscribe to the RSS feed. And, remember, keep sending in your questions to maximaskjessica@gmail.com!

Q: Ms. Jess,
If I could get you thoughts on two things, I would be so appreciative. I'm one of the few black guys whose willing to admit that I have a small penis (especially when I can do it anonymously.) I like girls outside my race and I think a girl who is not black would not be with a black guy if he was not big. I believe size does matters and combine that with being a virgin, I'm a complete insecure mess. I'm afraid no girl will be open-minded to giving me a chance to be with them. And the ones that do I won't be attracted to. Or if they are then they won't be sexually adventurous enough to try toys or f---ing machines ( from the Web site of the same name) or anything that would please her. How can I get over these feelings?

Secondly, I don't believe in monogamy. So, what are your thoughts on open relationships and trinogamus relationships. Thank you for having a column like this. I read every volume. —"Rick"

JESS: First thing I want to do Rick is dispel the myth that girls always desire humongous cock. Let ALL men pay attention to this next statement: Sometimes, it's just TOO big.

Equation: Too big = pain = she's not enjoying herself = bad sex.

With that being stated, let me ALSO stress that it's not always or only how big it is, but also how you use it. Most women need more than just penis and vagina sex in order to get off. This leaves the door wide open for you to make up for your self-proclaimed lack of endowment (which, I think you're probably overly insecure about and it's most likely not small, just normal) a non-issue by honing your skills in other areas.

And since we're on the subject of "other skills," props to you for being down with toys and such in order to make sex as enjoyable as possible. Sex should not only be sexy but it should also be FUN. Keep in mind that not every woman you come across will be down with additional playthings, so I recommend talking about the subject beforehand. (This goes double for those f*&^*ing machines. Have you seen those things!? They look like medieval torture devices with dongs)!

As for your itty-bitty wanger, are you SURE that you are not allowing yourself to fall into the "black men with huge dicks" stereotype yourself? How do you know you're too small? You mention being a virgin, so at this point, I'm assuming no girl has complained. Where is all this unwarranted self doubt coming from? I think THAT is the real question you should be exploring.

And lastly, in regards to your open relationships question: If you can find someone who really is 100 percent on-board with an open relationship and you are also sure you'll never find yourself getting jealous and petty if you find yourself sharing a person or three, then go for it. Let me just say though it's been my observations that people in open relationships seem to talk the talk but not really walk the walk. Know what I mean?


Q: Hi,

I have this conundrum involving a friend's girlfriend. Basically, she flirts with me whenever I see her and her boyfriend is not around. She's incredibly attractive, I live in a small town and there aren't many girls around (especially attractive ones), and I haven't had so much as a casual encounter for nearly eight months, so it's rather tempting to break the "man rules" in this situation.

I've asked my friends but I'm eager for a woman's take on this. Thanks.

JESS: Bros before hos, dude. Bros before hos.


Q: Jessica- I have enjoyed your columns and wanted to get some of your friendly advice. I have been out of a relationship that I was in for four years. I felt she was the one but I messed up and she left me. I have tried to be a friend with her but I've had no response except "Leave me alone" and "I never want to see you again." I just found out that she eloped "with someone she met over the Internet across the pond." I still feel like she is the one and want to get over her, so whats the best thing for me to end up doing?

JESS: It sounds (per your own admittance and your exes response to your various attempts to stay in touch) you have done something pretty bad. (I'm guessing...cheated?) Considering all your attempts at keeping in touch with her has been met with hostility, I would say that you should just let her go and accept the fact she's in love with someone else. Take this experience as a lesson to not make the same mistakes and when you come across another woman who holds the keys to your heart (and believe me, there WILL be another) make sure and appreciate her and treasure the love you've been lucky enough to share.


Q: Hey there Jessica,
I am a 21 year old college student and a "little" overweight, so needless to say I have always had trouble with girls. Every time I have ever gotten close to a girl some meat head intramural football or basketball player steps in and sweeps her off her feet (just to get laid and dump her a week later). After all of these experiences my work performance and schoolwork suffers while I am in recovery mode. So recently I have decided to put dating on hold until i get my degree and start my own hydraulic business. I was just wondering if you think it is weird that I want to establish myself career wise before worrying about girls or even trying to find a girl that is right for me?

Thanks for the help,

Eric

P.S. Keep up the good work, you're the best gaming correspondent and asset to the gaming community!

JESS: Eric, sounds to me as if you've got all your ducks in a row! You are VERY smart to focus on your work and studies! Girls are a dime a dozen, but money and power are forever!


A TESTIMONIAL!!!!
Hello again Jess,

I wanted to let you know what happened with my situation because you seemed to care. I finally had the guts to admit to myself I didn't; I thank you again for your help, your insight was a crucial step and influence in my reflection and I and now 100 percent certain that I took the right decision. She took it well considering my emotional recklessness with her and I believe that in spite of everything, we will remain good friends.

Keep up the good work Jess

JESS: You are VERY welcome! I'm glad everything worked out and I was able to help. I'm especially happy to hear that the two of you have decided to try and remain good friends. Like I've always said, just because you were unable to make the relationship work does not mean that the things about that person that you enjoyed and admired just go away. Stay friends, acknowledge that you both tried and then move on from there. It sounds as if that is exactly what you did—so, congrats again! I wish you both the best!


Jessica Chobot is a lifetime gamer and zombie slaughterer. When she's not lovingly staring at her limited-edition, Japanese import Hello Kitty Dreamcast, she is a video host and writer for IGN.com and GreenPixels.com. Check out IGN Strategize, Jessica’s weekly video with tips and tricks to kick ass on your favorite games.