The weather may be heating up, but with another stellar week of game releases, calling over a bunch of your buddies for some friendly console competition isn't out of the cards. (Your girlfriend? She can watch.)

This week's games selection are all exclusive downloadable games you can pick up on each respective console: A fat ass noblewoman needs her some damn cake, four mutated turtles go back in time, and girls strip down to their underwear if you play your cards right.


Fat Princess
Platform: PlayStation Network
With heavy (teehee, a pun!) emphasis on online play, Fat Princess is a fast-paced, meatballs to the wall competition to steal your opponent's noble lady. Only problem is that she weighs 700 lbs. and looks like what comes out of your butthole after eating a Fourth Meal. Feed your own fair lady some delicious cakes for more more cushion for the pushin', or else your opponents will have a helluva easy time kidnapping her.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled
Platform: Xbox Live
The original SNES side-scrolling beat 'em up makes its way back on next-gen consoles with 3D-graphics and awesome new turtle powers. Leo, Raph, Donnie, and Mikey gear up to keep the evil Shredder and Krang from stealing the Statue of Liberty, but get sucked into the evildoers' time warp. Battle through dinosaurs, tough-as-nails bosses, and the Foot Clan to reclaim America's leading lady.

Sexy Poker
Platform: WiiWare
Do not be fooled by the cartoon breasts: Major letdown enclosed. Do not buy!