Hi Jess. Here's a good question for ya. In my 20's I was an asshole. A real dick. I was a chauvinist, a bully, a social butterfly and even had to go to aggressive driver classes for doing 50 in a school zone. But the ladies effing loved it. Not exaggerating it was an a** parade. In the span of a few short years I played the field from women aged 18 to 38. But then I turned 30. Overnight something snapped in my brain and now I seem to be on some fruitless quest for one girl. *NOT* "The One". But I guess the closest description I can think of is a girl who doesn't bore me who I can call a friend and have monogamous s3x with. I "think" that's called a girlfriend(?) However my expectations are too simplistic to be put in the girlfriend bucket. That bucket is heavy. And it seems to suck more than it blows; pardon my vulgarity. Anyway, now that I'm a dapper thirty-zero year old I have an even harder time finding a high quality girl to call my own. Thankfully I've outgrown the jerk stage and have entered the secure, I-know-what-want-but-am-still-young-enough-not-to-be-opinionated phase. I know the clock is rapidly ticking closer to old-bastard age and I want to bag a winner while I still can. However, with my new found thirties stability came an even worse pool of women. Seriously it's getting ridiculous. Every girl from the drug store cashier to some dude's tipsy wife at a party is all winks, smiles and gratuitous touching. It seems that I can't find a good ol' fashioned Plain Jane anywhere! I'm tired of knocking off hood rats and having to break some disposable woman's heart every few months. After all of this rambling I guess my one question for you is a toughy: How does a guy who's finally gotten himself together find a decent girl who is just as composed? Riddle me this.

dear new to my 30s, you're either a troll or an idiot and i'm not sure which option would be more enjoyable to make fun of you for. the short answer to your question is this, you're still an asshole and aren't seriously looking to meet anyone. i'm sure you're witty and charming to the 18 year old cashiers and drunk house wives but until you loosen the chin strap on your asshat, those chicks are all your taking home. anyone with half a brain would realize that bragging about how tired they are of getting laid like concrete isn't going to win any sympathy or sincerity points. frankly you just sound like someone who's options are rapidly vanishing and you're just hoping to find a steady lay. if that's the case, open an online dating profile like all of the other "secure" dudes that have pictures of themselves flexing in front of their car. i hear spiked hair and frosted tips are making a come back too. you'll be hip deep in anonymous emotionally detached women in no time. cheers.

Resending; don't know if you got this. read your Bio and am extremely impressed. Take Care, Jessica, and may God Bless you. Don't laugh at me because I suck at games, either (just kidding). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Kenneth Artz To: maximaskjessica@gmail.com Sent: Wednesday, September 2, 2009 10:51:39 AM Subject: ARE YOU GAME?, ARTZ Hey Jessica, How does one get a date with the dating gamer? I think you are tremendously beautiful and spectacularly humorous and I really, really suck at video games. Perhaps you can join in on this stimulus package fun and teach me. I find this an elegantly endearing quality in you. Do it for the country; do it for me! I'm your friend, but any advice on becoming a dating gamee would be utterly and graciously appreciated. How to pronounce that last name of your's ryhmes with? P.S> I really like what you said about the guy with trouble between his girl and his games, with the two lists for video games and girlfriend (Sept., 2009 Issue), however, I believe in my case it wouldn't be the list that would be the longest and it definitely wouldn't be the door hitting her ass on the way out... There's always time for games. Little feet? I hit the floor on that one (ha!). I can see why the Set you with this column. You are great and beautiful. Good and great luck and God Bless you, Maam. Oh, any suggestions on how you can possibly get our Blithering idiot, Ball-Blathering, Bi-Polar off a mess Governor (Mark Sanford) here in South Carolina to end his satirical misgivings of quoting the Bible for forgiveness that no one seems to care about, anyway. He might as well build a BBQ pit in the back yard of his spacious Mansion, flame it up and jump in! Oh, Miss Baroness, 69? C'mon, I heard that back in Blytheville, Ark. while in USAF as an Air Traffic Control Operator from numerous females; They were all 69, too! Later.... Love your column and always a fan, Sincerely, Ken (Kenny) Artz