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Long time, no see, eh? A thousand apologies for the extended hiatus: International trips, expo coverage, my move to San Francisco and a plethora of various mediocre excuses have kept me away from my keyboard for far too long. Most importantly, they've kept me away from you!

Totally unacceptable.

In honor of my Maxim.com interview and the accompanying photos offered up for your ocular pleasures; I've decided to re-launch 'Ask Jess, Dammit' as part of this glorious trifecta. Please enjoy the honeyed wisdom that pours forth from these cupid bow lips.

I'm an avid World of Warcraft player,  but my girlfriend is not. She's asking me about how to play, but I am constantly bombarded with questions, some important and some not, and she's driving me crazy! What do I do? —Anonymous

JESS: As a gamer, I know it totally sucks to be interrupted while playing, but hell-o! You should be thrilled that your girlfriend has interest in getting involved in what you like to do.

Stop being such a "leet" snob—she's a willing and eager n00b! Do your part and mentor her. Connect on a Friday for that special, late-night, power-level date. Or, better yet, team up and get through that grind together. After all, the couples that play together, stay together.

I am a high school student in China and I recently had a girl friend. We did everything a couple usually does (except ML), but I got rid of her anyway. In China, the university entrance exam is very important and she was distracting me from my studies. I don’t want to disappoint my parents, but I feel guilty about the whole thing. —Crouching Tiger, Hidden Loser

JESS: I understand why you're feeling guilty for leading this girl on but it's pointless to beat yourself up over it after the fact. Relationships are always a gamble, so both of you knew the risk of a potential break-up and hurt heart. You need to be an adult about this though and just move forward.
As long as no long term damage has been done (read: illegitimate children, VD) , then just chuck it up to experience and file it away as another story to tell your buddies at the bar.

Also, what the hell is 'ML'? For the life of me, I can't figure out what that is.

Where do I find the opposite sex? Ever since I graduated from college, I haven't had many opportunities to be with other new people. I have heard from people to go to coffee shops, book stores, grocery shopping, etc, but the women that inhabit those places aren't my type. Clubs and bars are totally out of the question. —Anonymous

JESS: Sounds to me like you're just not putting forth the effort. Single girls looking for dates don't just fall out of the sky and into your lap. You actually have to go talk to these women.

Keep in mind that women are part of this *crazy* world, too. They have to do *crazy* world things like walk around in public, shop, do laundry, and, yes, some of them even play sports!

I've introduced my girlfriend to Xbox Live! She has her own Xbox 360 account and everything, but she rarely wants to play any of the more "advanced" games, like Fallout 3 and Call of Duty: World at War. She sticks to the arcade games. While she's tried games like Rainbow Six Vegas 2 and Gears of War, she seems to think she isn't any good, which is complete bullshit! Any suggestions to help her get more confident? —Calling For Support

JESS: Just keep doing what you're doing: Play those co-op games together. The more comfortable she is around you and having you as an online (and offline, wink) teammate, the more comfortable she'll become with the more aggressive titles.

She'll eventually move to the next challenge level, but keep in mind though that her reluctance might be something as simple as her not enjoying the style of the games. She might enjoy a co-op match once in a while because she gets to hang with you. For her own personal play time, she might prefer Hello Kitty's Island Adventure. And, you know what? There's nothing wrong with that.

The reason people get involved with games is because it's supposed to be fun. If you're not having fun, then you're doing it wrong.

I put ads on Craigslist to try to meet a woman, but every response was spam. I've had great luck with Adult Friend Finder and I've slept with over 30 women! —Wants a Biscuit

JESS: Um, congratulations?


Jessica Chobot is a lifetime gamer and zombie slaughterer. When she's not lovingly staring at her limited-edition, Japanese import Hello Kitty Dreamcast, she is a video host and writer for IGN.com and GreenPixels.com. Check out IGN Strategize, Jessica’s weekly video with tips and tricks to kick ass on your favorite games.