It's mid-October (already!), and that can only mean that the avalanche of big-budget video games has begun rumbling toward your console of choice. The unsuspecting, soon-to-be deluged victim: your social life.

The descent begins this week with the must-anticipated Naughty Dog sequel, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. Also, Jack Black kicks some serious axe in a heavy metal-inspired action adventure, Mario & Sonic hit the slopes for some Olympic competition, and RPG fans get some love with two very different titles.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (PS3)
Price: $59.99
Why You Need It: We loved the first one, and this one has pretty much everything that was great about the original (great story, over-the-top action, a sexy sidekick) and kicks it up 17.6 notches, according to the totally random mathematical formula we used to measure. You're pretty much in the director's seat of a Michael Bay-inspired film with a better script, orchestrating explosions, pulling off sneak attacks, and taking down dastardly villains in the jungles of Borneo, the ruins in Nepal and the ice-capped mountains of Tibet. And then, you can kill your online friends with the new multiplayer component.
Why You Don't: With a 10-hour campaign and infinite moments of fun online, your girlfriend might hate you for not speaking to her until you've mastered this bad boy.


Brutal Legend (PS3, Xbox 360)
Price: $59.99
Why You Need It: Jack Black. He is this game. Many games attempt to inject some lighthearted banter into their dialogue, but JB brings the funny and then some in his romp through the demon-filled land of heavy metal. The soundtrack is nothing to sniff at, either—108 tracks from every subgenre of metal. Rock on!
Why You Don't: Because you're waiting for the Jonas Bros. game, Friendship Forever. (Plastic peripheral promise rings sold separately.)

Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games (Wii, DS)
Price: $34.99–$49.99
Why You Need It: Yes, we know you only care about the Olympics because of the hot cheerleaders, but there are actually sports competitions going on, too. Nintendo and Sega's go-to mascots team up once again to preview next year's Games in Vancouver, offering up sports like alpine skiing, speed skating and figure skating (woohoo?).
Why You Don't: Because Mario has been in 14,342,396 games since his creation and Sonic has been in a few less, but mostly shitty attempts at video games. We're waiting for the game when both are involved in a freak lab experiment and form Monic, the heavily Italian-accented would-be roadkill.

Magna Carta 2 (Xbox 360)
Price: $59.99
Why You Need It: Good role-playing games on Microsoft's system are hard to come by, but MC2 does a decent-enough job to warrant a recommendation. Thrust into a civil war in the continent of Lanzheim, you must make decisions in helping bring peace back to the land. More than 30 hours of gameplay will keep you busy long enough to forget that you have work on Monday. D'oh!
Why You Don't: Camera angles and general blandless plague this title. If you're looking for something that's going to make your hair stand on end, you'll have more luck sticking your finger into a wall socket.

 

Half-Minute Hero (PSP)
Price: $29.99
Why You Need It: The thing about enjoying RPGs is that you need to clear your calendar and submerge yourself into the game until the end. Unfortunately, that cuts into bar time with your buddies. That's why Half-Minute Hero is such a damn good game: You have to beat bosses in 30 seconds or less, which means a post-Taco Bell shitting session is good for at least five or six levels.
Why You Don't: Because "Half-Minute Hero" was also your girlfriend's pet name for you back in college.

Another crumby week of 9-to-5ing is nearing its end and the shiny abyss of weekendom is upon us. With 48 hours of freedom—well, unless your football fan, then it's more like six hours—you can finally return to making headway on reaching sloth nirvana. We're here to help.

We're spotlighting games that are sure to facilitate some much needed down time with your couch. On tap is the ninja every girl wants to do and every guy wants to be, the debut of PlayStation's car series to a handheld console, and s'more aliens attacking humans in space. Oh, and some crap your girlfriend might like.

Ryu Hayabusa makes his return in this remixed PS3-exclusive title of Ninja Gaiden II (an Xbox 360-exclusive). There's not much difference from the original in terms of story: Commit blade-on-blade crimes and slice your way through 17 stages of intense action. The hook here for this game is the online co-op missions and the ability to play as three other characters in the series, Rachel, Ayane, and Momiji. (Yes, that means a lot more boob physics-induced head bobbing.) $60

With their flagship title, Gran Turismo 5, still in release date limbo, the team at Polyphony Digital have been hard at work pumping out fill-in game to appease fans. First there was the free demo for PS3 first-responders. Then, Gran Turismo 5 Prologue, essentially a demo of the full product, arrived at retail. This week, the series makes its arrival on handheld consoles for the first time. Jam-packed into this tiny package are more than 800 available vehicle models,  more than 30 unique tracks, and the ability to transfer upgrades to GT5 when it's unleashed upon the masses next year. $40
One of EA's surprise hits of 2008, Dead Space has quickly become one of the top-notch scare-you-shitless franchises in video games. Don't be fooled by this game's arrival on the kid-friendly Wii: This ain't no alien cuddle party. A prequel to the original, Dead Space Extraction puts you in the shoes of a group of space colonists attempting to escape a virus outbreak on their space station. Expect decent first-person motion controls (think Metroid Prime), the return of the limb-obliterating line gun, and a sexy new female to protect from slobbering enemies. $50

We let him beat us in a video game. We've asked him about his hairy chest. Hell, we even saw his movie. And now, John Cena is getting his reward: Being front and center on THQ's upcoming title, WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2010.

We've got no clue what's going on in the WWE storylines (we lost count when Japanese wrestlers started threatening penises and all hell broke loose following the collapse of the WCW), but for what it's worth, John Cena has been the most noticeable of superstars in popular culture, starring in big budget movies, signing on to lucrative ad campaigns with Gillette, and, yes, even putting out a top 20 rap album. The WWE superstar was absent on last year's game cover, but he's getting some face time, along with favorites The Undertaker, Randy Orton, Edge, and Rey Mysterio Jr. Best. Pecs Photoshop. Ever.

Rating:

Reviewed by: Gerasimos Manolatos

Price: $29.99–$59.99

The Skinny: The battle for Earth continues when the Decepticons seek to resurrect the remains of The Fallen, a treacherous member of the original Primes who wants to sap all of the bot juice from the planet. You can play on the side of the Autobots and provide the citizens of the world a stay of execution or lead the Decepticons with prospects of world domination. Either way, Megan Fox makes an appearance, and that already puts the game ahead of the curve.

The Good: If you ever muttered the phrase "When I grow up, I want to be a Transformer!" you'll finally get the chance to do just that. (We've scrubbed away all memory of the pile of crap made for the first film.) T: RofF combines the essence of what it takes to be a Transformer—be large, have cool guns, blow stuff up—into one tight package without sacrificing any of the mythology. (In other words, you won't find any metalheads transforming into super sexy college co-eds found in the movie.) The story pretty much follows the movie's major plot points, pushing you from one scene to the next while unlocking side quests that flesh out each encounter a bit more. For example, you'll engage in a naval battle on a main quest mission, but then be able to eliminate hostile Decepticons in the area in a second mission. However, there are a few large deviations, especially near the end of the game, that warrants some headscratching. (Then again, Michael Bay's plot wasn't exactly Shakespearean in nature either.)

The Bad: In the movie, you'll find slick maneuvers and eye-popping fight scenes. In the game, not so much. Sure, they may be alien beep-boopers, but the developers could have done a bit more to not make the Transformers move, well, like robots. The special effects present in the game aren't impressive and when it's time to actually roll out into a mission, the graphics are bad enough that you'll have to be reminded you're not playing on a PS2. (To be fair, the menu areas are pretty slick and showcase the bots quite well.) We also didn't like the one-off mission of saving Megan Fox. You'd think Activision would put one of the hottest females on Earth a bit more front and center to gloss over the game's inadequacies, but that, unfortunately, doesn't happen.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: You'll be able to unlock four episodes of the G1 Transformers cartoon series by completing certain achievements. Only thing is they come in YouTube quality. Really?

Buy, Rent, or Disembowel: Considering it took us about three hours to complete the Autobots campaign and about the same amount for Decepticons, you're going to want to give this one a rent over the weekend. Of course, you can always buy it just to experience Megan Fox calling for your help over and over again.

If you haven't heard, a small independent movie sequel is being released this week called Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Okay, we jest: Enough money was spent on the movie's production to send a gaggle of CEOs into the sunset of life with golden parachutes. Of course, with nearly every big budget film, comes a hurriedly put-together video game that will probably make you and your wallet cry. (In the case of the first Transformers, they were robot tears.)

Alas, Shia LeBeouf has championed the dreams of nerds everywhere for a great movie tie-in game and has promised that the game based on the upcoming film will not suck Allspark ass. Below, he amuses us with words about being a video game nerd, possessing super powers, and "doing it all the time" with Megan. Playing Madden, that is.

MAXIM: How did you get involved with the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen game?
SHIA LABEOUF: I'm a video game fan and I always thought it would be cool to be able to control a character. I saw the first game and I was kind of disappointed. The whole reason I got into it was because I could move myself around—you know, play with myself, literally. [Laughs]

But, really, I have a problem with movie games. A lot of people say, "Oh, this is a fucking movie game—who cares?" I wanted this game to prove them wrong. You usually don't get the cast to come in and re-do some of the dialogue and storylines. They also changed some things around: Every second matters, there are goals and objectives, just more variety. But, I'm still not, you know—I'm a gamer for sure, but this doesn't necessarily fall into my type of games. I'm into different type of games completely.

Which ones?
I guess it's not right for me to promote another game when I'm trying to promote this game, but I like strategy games like Civilization.

You recently said that you were ashamed of how many games you have. Can you tell us how many?
I don't really know the number. It's somewhere in the multiple thousands.

They must just send you boxes and boxes of games, right?
No, I buy my games. Tyrese gets free games and I don't.

THE BATTLE OF THE BEAUTIES

Olivia Wilde is No. 1 on this year's Hot 100, Megan Fox at No. 2. What do you have to say about that? Shia: Fucking ridiculous! You can't ask me that question, I'm biased. I'm sure Olivia's a really sweet girl but... Although Megan did say she wanted to strangle an ox for how beautiful Olivia was... It's flattery, how ever way you chop it up. They're both gorgeous.

We just played the new Transformers game and it seems Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) never says "Please."
Ahh, that's not cool. You need a "Please."

Your character is more polite...
Yeah, you like Sam Witwicky more. I'd like it if you could write that somewhere in the article, that you like Sam more, he's more polite. How about, "Overall, he's just a more enjoyable presence." [Laughs]

Done and done. If you could have special powers from a game in real life, which would you have? Think Street Fighter...
A really cool, spinning badass kick. One that that was only my own, nobody else could even attempt it. Hey, you: Don't try to do that spinning kick, you know that's not yours!

Have you and Megan battled each other in a video game?
Oh, yeah, we do it all the time. We play Madden—I'm really good, but she's a good sport. She still plays and she's into it.

What percentage of games do you win against her?
It's a bad percentage, really bad. [Laughs]

What have you enjoyed the most about doing the second movie?
It's bigger, faster, and stronger. If the first one was massive, this is gargantuan. It's up there with some of the biggest movies—it might be the biggest film ever made.

Who are your favorite Transformers in the new one?
The Devastator is the most outrageous Transformer, just the mass destruction that thing can create is a fucking really insane thought. Six or seven robots on top of each other, all of those attributes in one really wild creature.



At our Hot 100 party, Michael Bay mentioned that he had written the script so that there wasn't necessarily a need for another movie.
Yeah, that's right. We could, but it's not necessary. I think that this movie is going to be very hard to top, it may be even impossible to make a movie that hits harder than this does.

If you've never been to the E3 Expo, it goes something like this: All of the major video game publishers buy large areas of a convention floor, populate them with fancy artwork and large television screens, and showcase all of their upcoming wares in the hope that some of the shit they throw on the wall sticks. (Said shit-sticking is often hoped to be catalyzed by the presence of abnormally large-breasted women wearing outrageous clothing. Also called "booth babes.") We'll leave Kotaku and IGN the job of bringing you an unfiltered version of the show, but we like filters—it keeps the backwash and riff-raff at bay. With that said, we present to you our take on all of the stuff you need to know about this year's pixel orgy.

 

Mass Effect 2
We told you this game was going to be big, but did you listen? Apparently, yes. The game sold very well, garnering quite a fan base in a short period of time. BioWare went back to the drawing board and started working on the second part to the saga, one that has been teased to contain the death of the protagonist, Commander John Shepherd. We got a sneak peek at some of the game's gunplay and storyline, and while we're not going to spoil it for you, we can say that this will surpass the first game in every single way. Elements from Dead Space, Gears of War, and Knights of the Old Republic make a seamless transition into the sequel and the story arcs are bendier, the conversations are shorter and tighter, and the gameplay has been given a bit more variety.

God of War 3
Sony showed a meatier six-minute demo of the beginning of the trilogy finisher and we were blown away. Kratos returns in all of his goriness, indicated more succinctly during the video by his stabbing of a horned demon being in the eye...with his own horn. The graphics look amazing, the boss battles look bigger than ever, and there are more bare breasts to be seen than we could handle. Especially the male ones—damn Greeks.

Eminem and Jay-Z Perform for DJ Hero
We usually hate when rappers start trying to do things they aren't good at—read: act...sing—but when two of the biggest acts in the world come together at one event, it's hard not to jump on the bandwagon. Activison recently announced that Eminem a.k.a. Slim Shady a.k.a. Marshall Mathers and "HOVA" will be lending some of the tracks for the upcoming DJ Hero game and had the two singers perform at the game's E3 premiere party. Some where at some time, large bags of money were exchanged.

 

Ghostbuster's Ecto-1 Car

Anything that brings us back to the days of Saturday morning cartoons is always a winner. This badass contraption can be seen parked right in front of the Los Angeles Convention Center, right next to the horde of video game journalists slobbering and having conniptions on the sidewalk.

PSP Go's $249.99 Price Point
A new and improved version of Sony's handheld console was finally announced after a week of tumultuous press leaks. It will feature a built-in hard drive (you can only play games you download from the PlayStation store) and bluetooth capabilities, but even with these new features, it's hard to justify jacking the price 80 dollars. Sony representatives mentioned that the price is what they had charged for the original PSP when it debuted in 2005 in the US, but with whatever engineering advancements their research & development team have done since then should, if anything, lower the production dollars needed to make the product, and inversely, lower the price for consumers. At 250 dollars, it will be 80 dollars more than the Nintendo DSi (which also debuted a new version of their console this year) and the now-yesterday's-news PSP-3000.

MAG
Sony teased this game at last year's E3, but finally showed some in-game footage of its much-touted 256-player online multiplayer capabilities. We can only assume that it's way too early in development for them to showcase some of the game's more finer points, but the demo shown onstage at Sony's press conference seemed like an overcomplicated version of Tom Clancy's EndWar, which wasn't exactly easy peasy either. The point of video game entertainment, and we stress the entertainment part, is that you're not going to have to do graduate-level studying just to play.

 

Left 4 Dead 2
Left 4 Dead? Awesome. Therefore, more Left 4 Dead would be...awesome too? Not if it's a sequel released exactly one year after the first game, forcing you to plunk down another 60 smackaroos (we assume it will be at the regular Xbox 360 game price) for some more zombie hunting. With all that's happening in the world of downloadable content, it's a shame such a great game is already being subjected to the Guitar Hero-like franchise-milking process. If L4D2 goes on sale at the normal retail price, we'd love to see purchasers of the first game get a special DLC discount for what is, at least at its core, an add-on. Pay it forward, Microsoft!

Wii Vitality
Remember the last time you went to the doctor's office and he put that thing on your finger to take your pulse? Yeah, that's going to be a video game now. Nintendo President Satoru Iwata, also known as the guy who convinced millions of Americans that Wii Fit is a weight loss device, showed off the new Wii peripheral at the company's E3 press conference and was met with a collective palm to the face.

 

 

Motion Controls...Everybody's Doing It
It's only day one here, but we've already seen a lifetime's worth of flailing arms and legs. Microsoft showed off their new motion controller named Project Natal during their conference, hoping to offer a new way to make a fool out of yourself in the comfort of your living room. The idea is novel enough because you don't need a controller to use it. Their trailer showed a happy family pointing, punching, and gyrating near their TVs, but everyone knows that's crazy talk. Happiness and families don't exist in America anymore. Sony then offered their take on the motion controller, which doesn't even have a codename because it's still in development mode. In fact, we were shown a tech demo of the thing and while it was quite impressive, the sheepish mention of a release date—Spring 2010—and the demoer asking for us to not pay attention to the controller because "it is going to change" has us wondering when exactly the new PlayStation controller will find its way out of the wilderness.

 

Final Fantasy XIII Trailer Is Shown...Followed by Final Fantasy XIV Trailer. WTFs Ensue
Reactions to the surprise announcement were meant with a thunderous applause, but, fuck us if we're wrong, did Sony just announce a sequel to a game that isn't even out yet...and will be released the same year? OK, we guess we'll prepare ourselves for one final fantasy, or until another two are announced next year.

Twitter on Xbox Live
The thought of broadcasting our every move to Internet "friends" becoming the norm has us wanting to punch ourselves in the face repeatedly. Sure, it's one thing to do this on-the-go, like say, "ttlly just farted k bai," but finding a purpose for this nonsense on Xbox Live is an exercise in futility. (Along with trying to walk the streets of Los Angeles unscathed, as we learned.) You're obviously on Xbox Live. You're obviously playing video games. Send us a tweet and we'll send you only four characters back: GFYS.

 

EA's Small Demo Rooms and the Smelly Nerds Who Populate Them
You'd think if you were one of the largest video game publishers in the world, you'd spring for a bit more leg room or plan accordingly for meetings with large men who've just walked 300 paces from the nearest vending machine. It's one thing to get to see some of the biggest upcoming games before anyone else does and a whole other animal to get to do so in the presence of Lord Smellington of the Kingdom of Pungency.

Bowing to the fact that the Nintendo DS is the Kelly Bundy of video games—cute as a slut button; has the processing power of a broken lawnmower—Rockstar is foregoing even attempting shoehorning GTA IV onto a portable console. Instead, *cue Justin Timberlake's music* they're bringing top-down back. Oh yes, top-down gameplay—it's like playing God, if God were a post-pubescent gamer with the tendency to want to digitally blow things up. (That's you!) The new protagonist, Huang Lee, arrives on the scene and, according to the video, is ready...to...exact...revenge...on...the...other...people...in...OH C'MON ALREADY. Just finish the stupid sentence already, trailer-to-a-new-game!

Left 4 Dead

Rating:


Price: $49.99–59.99

The Skinny: Four "Survivors" are stranded in regions overrun by a fast-moving rabies virus. It's up to them to fight through the hordes of zombies together, or go at it alone and perish. Ohhh, epic-sounding, indeed!

The Good: You won't find another game out there that forces you to play as a team as much as Left 4 Dead. It's definitely something to get used to, especially if you're coming off a grueling session of Gears of War 2, but once you get the tactics down, there's a lot of fun to be had. The four campaigns are diverse and provide sufficient replayability, especially with achievements challenging you to pull off some wicked kill maneuvers. While it's exponentionally better to play with others online, you'll find that the computer-controlled characters in singleplayer—at least up to the Normal level—can hold their own. For shits and giggles, turn it up to Expert and see how quickly you turn into an undead fart—our record is 3.7 seconds.

The Bad: It almost feels like a group project in seventh grade Science. If you've got three other willing and able players on your team, you should be able to breeze through the four campaigns on Normal in about four hours. But get stuck with Snot-Nosed Sam and the 'Tard Trio and you'll be in for a very long and frustrating experience.

Maxim Tip: If you want a snowball in hell's chance of winning on Expert, you need a) mastery of the Left Trigger or melee, b) three friends who have sufficient skills, and c) a direct line to whichever deity you pray to for special favors.

Buy, Rent, or Disembowel? Buy it and get infected.

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Midnight Club: Los Angeles

Rating:

Price: $39.99–$59.99

The Skinny: Amidst the bright lights and open roads of Los Angeles, ride your way to the top with your customized import, tuner, and muscle cars or embarrass your opponents in some freewheeling motorcycle races.

The Good: From the beginning, which presents you with an interactive Google Map of L.A., to revving your engine at the start of a race, there's no denying that Rockstar has vehicular gameplay down cold. There are exactly zero load times; instead you'll see a pop-up window at the end of a race with your stats and then be greeted by a short cutscene pointing you to your next race. If there's one thing that you'll appreciate about MC:LA it's that there is no messing around: you're in a race, then out and onto the next one. Or, if you just want to drive around the city and run things over, you can do that too.

The Bad: Rubberbanding AI. If you don't know what that means, it's what happens when you run a clean race, then get smoked near the finish line anyway. No matter what happens during a race, you will have to drive a near flawless few laps for a chance at placing first, even with a souped-up car. And, while Rockstar makes a valiant attempt to tack on a storyline, the characters get boring, while the plot takes a back seat to the actual fun—racing.

From the IGN Tipsters: Before starting a highway battle, build up lots of speed from behind the opponent. As you pass, flash your lights to start the race—you’ll blast by the opponent before he even thinks about accelerating, giving you an awesome advantage and an almost surefire win in the short race.

Buy, Rent, or Disembowel? Buy it. It smokes Need for Speed: Undercover off the line.

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Need for Speed Undercover

Rating:

Price: $39.99–$59.99

The Skinny: An undercover officer (you) and his law enforcement sidekick Chase Linh (played by Maggie Q) are on the trail of a bunch of street hooligans mixed up in an international smuggling ring. Do you have the head gaskets to take down some of the world's most wanted?

The Good: We're going to pretend there was never a Carbon or ProStreet version of the Need for Speed franchise, because, well, they stunk it up. Fans of the series will be happy to know that developers have taken serious notes from their last respectable effort, Most Wanted, changed a few things, and presto! Profit! The cops make their return and, while they are generally easy to elude, provide enough incentive to continue driving. You can also pick your victims with the game's handy GPS map, instantly taking you to the race of your choice.

The Bad: There are just too many other games out there that do the same thing but better. It doesn't have the arcade feel of Burnout: Paradise or the presentation value of Midnight Club: Los Angeles, and Undercover eventually stands alone with no real purpose. It has some ogle-worthy rides in the Audi R8 and the new Nissan 370Z, but the game's graphics don't do the cars justice. And make sure you don't attract too many cops or you'll be forced to endure a chase scene at 15 frames per second.

Maxim Tip: If you're strapped for cash, completing career mode unlocks unlimited money. Cha-ching!

Buy, Rent, or Disembowel? It's got a few bumps, but who cares? It's a rental!

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