Choplifter: Crisis Shield

If this aerial ass-hauling simulation is any indication, Medivac pilots might be some of the most bored saps on Earth. Don’t expect the drama of a Jessica Lynch–style rescue from Choplifter; the most exciting mission in this hard-to-control snoozefest is herding escaped animals back into a zoo (no, we didn’t make that up). Chasing elephants around is, well, novel, yes, but you can’t blast things to bits like the fun arcade classic. Unfortunately, the updated Crisis Shield doesn’t get that helicopters don’t need side doors or cargo space—they just need guns, missiles, and other recklessly harmful weapons that make big bangs.