Assassin’s Creed: Revelations
Price: $59.99
What’s it about?
The final leg of Ezio Auditore’s three-game plot brings with it some unique additions, a quest for five keys and the sprawling city of Constantinople. As we’ve come to expect from the AC series, high-flying parkour, stealthy assassinations and an incredibly deep story come together to make AC: Revelations another remarkable entry into the ever-growing AC canon.
How does it look?
Opening cut scenes are wildly realistic and sweepingly cinematic, getting our hopes up for the entirety of the story to be fleshed out in the same, gorgeous CGI. Unfortunately, the opener is just a tease and the game soon settles into the normal renderings of Ezio’s story that gamers will remember from previous AC’s. But it’s a far cry from being unwatchable--the graphics are just, well, fine. Graphical shortcomings aside, the scope of Constantinople, a tiered city that incorporates a riverfront presence better than any of the lands we’ve seen earlier in the series, is a coup for Ubisoft. Ezio’s Constantinople pulses with several overlaying factions, ziplines, makeshift elevators and more places to get in trouble than you’d believe. Luckily, there are still haystacks to hide in when the heat gets too hot.
Is it any good?
With the exception of some new knick-knacks like ziplines, turrets and a concealed hook knife, what you’re getting in Revelations is very similar to the formula that’s been used in the past. Whether that’s a good thing or not is something you probably know already. Assassin’s Creed has always been as focused on the story being told as much as the gameplay that tells it. What we definitely would not recommend is picking up the series here; opening cut scenes throw you immediately into the middle of the half-told, incredibly complex story with little to get you from A to C. However, fans that have been following Desmond’s story from the beginning will be well rewarded by the closing chapter of a likable and ultimately bad ass assassin’s story. Where we go from here, only the animus knows.
Out of ten?
8, while the story is as good as ever, we were slightly disappointed by ho hum graphics and little improvement in the combat system which felt fine last year but now pales when compared to current third-person action games *cough Arkham City cough.*
If I like this, what else will I like?
Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood, Batman Arkham City, Turkish confusion
Saint’s Row: The Third
Price: $59.99
What’s it about?
The only series that really goes toe-to-toe with GTA, Saint’s Row The Third is an exercise in the absurd. From character to story, missions to weapons, it’s hard to find an aspect of the game that isn’t way over the top in the best way possible. What Saint’s Row offers is an open world experience that embraces the mantra that a game, above story, depth or complexity, should be fun.
How does it look?
Unfortunately, the only thing about Saint’s Row that doesn’t push boundaries is its graphics. Choppiness happens and hard edges distract your eye from the mayhem going on around you. The city of Steelport doesn’t have the pulse that gamers have come to expect of sandbox environments and, as a result, can taste a little stale a little too soon. These two dings are unfortunate but don’t detract too badly from The Third's hyper-stylized, frenetic action or over-the-top missions. Fact: It’s easy to forget about boring city design when you’re falling towards said city at terminal velocity without a parachute.
Is it any good?
The weak-kneed or small-balled will probably find the often-offensive violence and crudity or Saint’s Row, well, offensive. To those people we say put on your earmuffs and nut up, Shirley because you’d be missing out on one of the few games in recent memory that doesn’t just embrace the ridiculousness that a video game can be, it bear hugs a big purple dildo and grins from ear to ear while doing so. Saint's Row isn’t about story or immersing you in a world, it’s an escape from the ever-drearier reality of waking life, one that personifies fun and then sticks an apoco-fist in it and works it like a puppet.
Out of ten?
8.5, mindless fun always plays well and, even though we love a good story or a dark tale, Saint’s Row provides a break from the epic games that have been coming at us fast and furious this fall.
If I like this, what else will I like?
GTA IV, Bulletstorm, beating the shit out of Mascots
Need for Speed: The Run
Price: $59.99
What’s it about?
Eat your heart out Cruisin’ USA, Need for Speed: The Run takes everything that was good about a cross country, illegal street race and ramps up its intensity to Michael Bay proportions. The flimsy storyline (you’re a great driver, dudes want you dead, some chick stakes you to race cross country for 25 million bucks) gets told in surprisingly good-looking detail but it’s the variety of cars, races and tracks that make The Run a standout in the racing category this year.
How does it look?
It looks like America speeding by your window at 140 mph. The Run takes you from sunny California to gritty NYC and hits all the major points in between, on highways, service roads and, occasionally, off-road too. Races are all straight forward, pointing you east and having you stomp on the gas but good driving is rewarded with extra nitro boosts and faster level-ups. Cut scenes that break down the story are almost too-good looking for a plot that takes a back seat to the actual racing but, like nipple tassels on a stripper, they’re a bonus that we didn’t need but enjoyed anyway.
Is it any good?
There’s a distinct difference between games like Forza 4 and Need for Speed: The Run, with the former planted firmly in Simulator land while the latter is definitively a game. The Run has a slew of boner-inducing cars to choose from but never touches on the customization options that you’ll see in a proper sim like Forza or GT5. Likewise, The Run approaches the actual racing dynamics with a much more carefree and loose attitude, a big departure from the tedium that comes with the realism of a sim. The bottom line is that The Run is cross-country race that sets out to be fun and fast and little else and they accomplish those goals admirably.
Out of ten?
8, We’ve always loved arcade-style racing and The Run delivers it in gas-guzzling trunkloads. We would’ve liked a little more depth in the customization department but we can definitely think of worse ways to spend our time than rocking a Lambo from coast to coast.
If I like this, what else will I like?
Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, Forza 4, carefully driving your supercar 
Super Mario 3D Land
Price: $39.99
What’s it about?
Called a 3D Mario that plays like it’s 2D, Super Mario 3D Land is a game that might just be the shot in the arm that the Nintendo 3DS needs to get some walking legs this holiday season. Superficial catalyst aside, Mario yet again needs to save his ditzy damsel in distress by chugging through level after level of beautifully designed and executed 3D platform stages. Everything you’ve come to expect of an excellent Mario game is here, bundled into a tight little package and graced with an oustanding implementation of Nintendo’s one and only glassesless 3D.
How does it look?
Any Mario adventure would benefit from 3D treatment but 3D Land isn’t just a Mario game that has an added dimension; it’s a game that was built to utilize the third dimension in specific ways, from binoculars that let you look out onto a level and hidden items that are slightly less hidden when you’re viewing them in 3D. Judging jump distances is still a challenge, as it is in all Mario games, but the combination of 3D and a smarter camera angle that lacks the slight wonkiness we’ve come to tolerate as the norm in a Mario game, makes the handling in 3D Land tighter and more precise than any of its predecessors, on Wii, on DS or otherwise. True to form, Nintendo handles its number-one star with the love and tenderness that a chronic masturbator has for his own member and, just like chronic masturbation, the experience is definitively enjoyable.
Is it any good?
You bet your pipe plumbing ass it is. This is a first-party Mario game, none of that Mario and Sonic at the Olympics shit, and Nintendo delivers a game that’s easily worthy of Mario’s greasy seal of approval. Levels are crafted with care and, while they hearken back to classic dynamics from Super Mario 64 and beyond, they do so with a creativity and sense of innovation that derives from the juxtaposition of 2D platforming in a 3D world. The bottom line is that the game works instantly and anyone who’s ever played a Mario game will immediately be able to pick this one up and enjoy it, not just for nostalgia’s sake but because 3D Land is a Mario game that’s excellent in its own right.
Out of ten?
9. This is the best reason to buy a 3DS, period. If 3D Land is where Mario is gonna live from now on, we’re gonna look to buy a vacation home there to make sure we don’t miss a thing.
If I like this, what else will I like?
Super Mario Galaxy 2, Ocarina of Time 3D , real life 3D Lands 
Halo Combat Evolved: Tenth Anniversary Edition
Price: $39.99
What’s it about?
In an ode to all things Xbox, Microsoft reminds everyone that it’s not just Halo’s 10th Birthday but that it’s also been a decade since MS joined the console game. Cue up the piñata shaped like an Elite’s head because it’s time to power up your Mjolnir armor and bash some covies like only Master Chief can.
How does it look?
The graphics are probably the most impressive thing about this edition. Not only has every aspect of the game been given a high def makeover, Halo 10th Anniversary is running two separate instances of the same game simultaneously. What that boils down to is that at any given time, you can switch between the old and new graphics on the fly with just the press of a button. Beyond the staggering graphics upgrade, the anniversary edition also brings with it many of the multi-player maps derived from the originals that are now playable in Halo Reach so prepare to have hours of your life stolen, just like you Halo did back in college.
Is it any good?
What you see is what you get and when it looks this good, it’s hard to be disappointed. This is the exact game that you played in 2001 down to the overpowered pistol and predictable spawn points. Taking down waves of grunts and elites is still as much fun as it was ten years ago and doing it with current gen graphics is a treat for any Halo fan that’s been pining for an experience that’s long gone but hardly forgotten. The fact that Microsoft was generous enough to throw in a Reach Map Pack of classic maps makes this $40 bundling worth the time and money for any devout Halo fan. What you’re getting with this edition is a definitive piece of gaming history, shined to a high polish, ready to round out your collection of must-have games for Xbox 360.
Out of ten?
8.5, this is a game that was a 10 in 2001 and it has held up remarkably well but it’s here again to fill a nostalgia niche that we see more from Nintendo than from Microsoft. You’re not going to find innovation here but what you get is a lot of excellent gameplay, some Reach injection and retroactive online functionality to a classic at a bargain price.
If I like this, what else will I like?
Halo: Reach, Crysis 2, playing halo every day...and singing about it
Follow John on Twitter @JohnSciarrino. If he tweets double, it’s only because he refuses to take off his 3D glasses.