Kiss Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child

Kiss may be on their farewell tour (again), but Gene Simmons and his makeup-wearing cohorts still wanna rock’n’roll all night—and frag sideshow freaks every day. First-person-shooter action meets shock rock when a ball-busting gypsy crone summons you to save a surreal realm from a deity’s evil spawn. Ditching guitars for cannons, beast claws, and thorn blades, our rock-star heroes (appropriately dubbed “the elders”) pop in occasionally to furnish tips on wasting knife-wielding gimp clones and hideous arachni-clowns in a maze of claustrophobic corridors decorated with phony classic-rock memorabilia (sort of like a Hard Rock Cafe in Chernobyl). Enemies travel in packs thick as dorm-room roaches, so here’s to wading knee-deep in severed heads and tentacles. Better hold that lighter high, Grandpa.