Mario Strikers Charged

Mario is an obese little man with "I ate the whole lasagna" cheeks and a wine (not beer) belly, yet he's always appearing in these sports games. This makes him the John Daly of the game world. In this game, the fat, plump, jiggle-ass bastard can run really fast and kick soccer balls so hard he leaves fire trails in his wake. Since this is a Wii game, you'll have to flick the Wiimote hard, as if you were trying to get a booger off the end of it. Doing so makes your little Nintendo characters—including Bowser, Peach, etc.—score goals for you. With limited off-line play, this disc discriminates against the friend-free, but if you have a Net connection, and it's not totally busy trying to download that eCard your mom just sent you for your birthday, you can play against thousands of other Mario-loving jag offs around the world.