Once a year, journalists converge upon the smoggy land of make believe breasts for three days of obscene amounts of video game consumption and flame wars over polygon counts on consoles. We survived, but not before getting to see all of the latest and greatest games to hit the market this year. Who emerged victorious from all of the pixel noise is still up for discussion, but a few stood out for their achievements in the production of eye candy. Presenting our favorites...
Best Booth Babes: The Girls of Trauma Team
We'd rather get a lobotomy than play the game, but leave it up to Atlus peeps to use the "sexy nurses" route in garnering attention. They definitely beat the Helga-esque bohemoths that took our temperature the last time we ended up in the hospital.
(Runners-Up: The Girls of Dirt 2… or, more specifically, the one who's previous job was a porn star. Background checks, FTL!)
Most Likely to Succeed: Halo 3: ODST
Microsoft spent in excess of $10 million marketing Halo 3 and there's nothing to make us second-guess that the company will not pull out all the stops to repeat their media blitz later this year. While there won't be a Master Chief to brand on special edition 7-11 cups this time around, the Orbital Drop Shock Trooper (where ODST gets its name) is sure to get some face time when the game eventually hits in September. It features a gripping storyline parallel to the Chief's and a new co-op Firefight mode that will help sharpen your Flood-killing skills for hours upon hours.
Most Likely to Take Over the World: Modern Warfare 2
Activision stumbled upon a hit after revamping their WW2-based series. Finally, 2007's Game of the Year gets its long-anticipated sequel and, if the trailers are to be trusted, there will be a lot of Commie ass to kick this time around. Snowmobiles, F-16 planes, helicopters, tanks, and other mobile war contrivances were seen making an appearance in the game, only fueling speculation that there will be a ton of vehicular mayhem to be had this November.
Most Athletic: Wit Fit Plus
We previously told you that "no one needs exercise." Then, almost 20 million of you went out and bought the Wii Fit anyway. The newest version promises more accurate movement sensors, online connectivity, and additional exercises to make you regret ever stepping into an In-N-Out Burger.
Most Likely to Make Your Family and Friends Hate You: New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Remember way back when there was only room for two buttons on your Nintendo controller...and they both did the same thing? Yeah, that good stuff is coming back, in the form of Nintendo's remake of the classic 2D platform game Super Mario Bros. But, this time it's personal. The developer showcased its newest title at E3 and announced four-player simultaneous cooperative play, meaning up to four people (Mario, Luigi, and two Toads) can race through the Mushroom Kingdom to save the Princess together. Cool, right? The fun doesn't stop there: You can also compete against each other for score, so being an a-hole (i.e. pushing your friends down endless pits or throwing them off the screen with Yoshi's swallow maneuver) is a wise decision.
Game That Made Us Say "WTF?": Pluff
There really are no words to describe this...thing, but if we had to, "Furbie," "hairball," and "fire hazard" would be somewhere in the description. Creator Diana Hughes, with the help of some programming friends, made the Pluff controller for her MFA thesis at the University of Southern California, and was at the expo with the hope of getting the attention of a big time developer—she prefers Nintendo. Pluff is a furry controller that has emotions: Stroking and hugging it makes it like you while shaking and beating it will make a social worker show up at your doorstep asking questions.
Game Your Dad Will Most Likely Play: The Beatles: Rock Band
Everyone loves The Beatles. You. Me. Yes, even Dad, whose struggles to find the computer's "On" button are well-chronicled. And, finally, there is a video game for him (and us, 'cause we'll play anything with a controller attached to it.) Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr made an appearance onstage at Microsoft's E3 press conference and formally put their seal of approval on the rhythm game being released this September. The game will feature a ton of fan service and, for those who can't tell a Beatle from a Preying Mantis, a great introduction to the music of one of the most important bands in history. This will also mark the first time music from the legendary British group will be licensed for a video game with plastic peripherals. However, mop-tops will be sold separately.
Best Game With a "2" in the Title: Mass Effect 2
It just so happens that a bunch of new games found some success with the masses over the past few years and all of them are getting the sequel treatment at the same time. Modern Warfare 2, Assassin's Creed 2, Uncharted 2, and BioShock 2 are all being released within the next year, but nothing impressed us more than the second chapter in the Mass Effect series. Not only can gameplay be changed drastically by loading up your old Mass Effect saves, but with new planets to explore, and more alien butts to kick with snazzy new powers, we're going full speed ahead on the SS Normandy.
Best Booth Babes: The Girls of Trauma TeamWe'd rather get a lobotomy than play the game, but leave it up to Atlus peeps to use the "sexy nurses" route in garnering attention. They definitely beat the Helga-esque bohemoths that took our temperature the last time we ended up in the hospital.
(Runners-Up: The Girls of Dirt 2… or, more specifically, the one who's previous job was a porn star. Background checks, FTL!)
Most Likely to Succeed: Halo 3: ODSTMicrosoft spent in excess of $10 million marketing Halo 3 and there's nothing to make us second-guess that the company will not pull out all the stops to repeat their media blitz later this year. While there won't be a Master Chief to brand on special edition 7-11 cups this time around, the Orbital Drop Shock Trooper (where ODST gets its name) is sure to get some face time when the game eventually hits in September. It features a gripping storyline parallel to the Chief's and a new co-op Firefight mode that will help sharpen your Flood-killing skills for hours upon hours.
Most Likely to Take Over the World: Modern Warfare 2Activision stumbled upon a hit after revamping their WW2-based series. Finally, 2007's Game of the Year gets its long-anticipated sequel and, if the trailers are to be trusted, there will be a lot of Commie ass to kick this time around. Snowmobiles, F-16 planes, helicopters, tanks, and other mobile war contrivances were seen making an appearance in the game, only fueling speculation that there will be a ton of vehicular mayhem to be had this November.
Most Athletic: Wit Fit PlusWe previously told you that "no one needs exercise." Then, almost 20 million of you went out and bought the Wii Fit anyway. The newest version promises more accurate movement sensors, online connectivity, and additional exercises to make you regret ever stepping into an In-N-Out Burger.
Most Likely to Make Your Family and Friends Hate You: New Super Mario Bros. WiiRemember way back when there was only room for two buttons on your Nintendo controller...and they both did the same thing? Yeah, that good stuff is coming back, in the form of Nintendo's remake of the classic 2D platform game Super Mario Bros. But, this time it's personal. The developer showcased its newest title at E3 and announced four-player simultaneous cooperative play, meaning up to four people (Mario, Luigi, and two Toads) can race through the Mushroom Kingdom to save the Princess together. Cool, right? The fun doesn't stop there: You can also compete against each other for score, so being an a-hole (i.e. pushing your friends down endless pits or throwing them off the screen with Yoshi's swallow maneuver) is a wise decision.
Game That Made Us Say "WTF?": PluffThere really are no words to describe this...thing, but if we had to, "Furbie," "hairball," and "fire hazard" would be somewhere in the description. Creator Diana Hughes, with the help of some programming friends, made the Pluff controller for her MFA thesis at the University of Southern California, and was at the expo with the hope of getting the attention of a big time developer—she prefers Nintendo. Pluff is a furry controller that has emotions: Stroking and hugging it makes it like you while shaking and beating it will make a social worker show up at your doorstep asking questions.
Game Your Dad Will Most Likely Play: The Beatles: Rock BandEveryone loves The Beatles. You. Me. Yes, even Dad, whose struggles to find the computer's "On" button are well-chronicled. And, finally, there is a video game for him (and us, 'cause we'll play anything with a controller attached to it.) Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr made an appearance onstage at Microsoft's E3 press conference and formally put their seal of approval on the rhythm game being released this September. The game will feature a ton of fan service and, for those who can't tell a Beatle from a Preying Mantis, a great introduction to the music of one of the most important bands in history. This will also mark the first time music from the legendary British group will be licensed for a video game with plastic peripherals. However, mop-tops will be sold separately.
Best Game With a "2" in the Title: Mass Effect 2It just so happens that a bunch of new games found some success with the masses over the past few years and all of them are getting the sequel treatment at the same time. Modern Warfare 2, Assassin's Creed 2, Uncharted 2, and BioShock 2 are all being released within the next year, but nothing impressed us more than the second chapter in the Mass Effect series. Not only can gameplay be changed drastically by loading up your old Mass Effect saves, but with new planets to explore, and more alien butts to kick with snazzy new powers, we're going full speed ahead on the SS Normandy.