Dead Rising

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When we die, apparently we don't go to heaven or hell. According to Dead Rising, we'll spend the afterlife wandering aimlessly through a mall. The game stars photojournalist Frank West, a man whose jaw is so ridiculously square it should come with a label that says, NO ACTUAL LANTERNS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS JAW. Frank must Ginsu his way through zombie hordes for 72 hours, using anything and everything—lawnmowers, chain saws, etc.—to reduce the undead to piles of chum. We love this game so much, we scratched the words Dead Rising off the box cover and replaced them with Best Frigging Game We Have Ever Frigging Played.

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