Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis

Reviewed by:
Scott Jones

Pornography taught us at a very early age that being a man sometimes means buying embarrassing things. Things with names like "Leg Show" and "Black Tail," and "I Can't Believe She Ate the Whole Thing!" Suffering the accusatory looks of a cashier is really just a way of life for us. Well, you'll need to call on all of your powers to walk into a game store and ask the clerk for March of the Minis. Our advice: Don't stutter! Have your money counted and ready! Act casual, as if buying a game like March of the Minis is something you do every day of your life! After Donkey Kong kidnaps Mario's old buxom pal, Pauline—just like Donald Trump, Mario eventually replaced her with the younger Princess Peach—it's up to Mario, and his army of wind-up toys, to rescue her. The gameplay looks like typical side-scrolling Mario, but getting those wind-up toys from one side of a spike-bottomed pit to the other feels more like the puzzle-solving goodness of Lemmings.