Sonic and the Secret Rings

Reviewed by:
Scott Jones

Looking for a reason to get out of bed this morning? This sure as fuck is not it. While this next-gen Sonic game does miraculously manage not to suck, it's still pretty fucking far from awesome. Playing the game requires you to turn your Wii remote sideways, just like you did with Excite Truck. This let's you "drive" the little blue varmint across the game's seven different worlds. Imagine if a driving game and a platformer got together and had unprotected sex. Now, imagine them doing it doggie style. Now imagine a little reverse cowgirl. Possibly even a wheelbarrel. The result of such an unholy, yet hot, steamy union would be this disc. There are some camera issues, and some inadvertent deaths, which will cause your own "secret ring" to pucker while you're screaming at your TV screen. Keep a pack of throat lozenges handy so you won't have to explain to your co-workers why you're hoarse tomorrow morning.

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