300 March To Glory

Reviewed by:
Scott Jones

This game tells a story that's as old as time. No, we're not talking about the Joseph Campbell "Hero's Quest" story. We're talking about the "good movie, crap game" story. Make no mistake, we love mindless killing as much as the next jag-off. But this game is two parts Dynasty Warriors and four parts lame. You play as King Leonidas, a man so buff even Fabio would blush. Use either your sword, spear, or if you're in a really bad mood, your shield to kill about one bazillion Persians. Crap puzzles and crappier stealth levels further besmirch this crap package. The UMD's only saving grace: those sweet, sweet looking cut scenes. But as our wives often say to us, "If I cared about looks, I'd never have married you, you fat bastard."

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