Call of Juarez

Reviewed by:
Scott Jones

There's a special place in our hearts for flawed creations. Whether it's three-legged dog, a stripper with an eye patch, or in this case, an obscure Old West–themed video game made by a Polish developer, we can't help but hold it close and tell it how beautiful we secretly think it is. Call has all the earmarks of under-the-radar cheese: bordello blow jobs, a preacher who uses the "the Word of the Lord" phrase as a weapon, and bottles of whiskey that magically heal us when we're wounded. We were so totally ready to love this game…until we started playing it. We were outnumbered and outgunned. Our six-shooters kept breaking on us. Sneaking through enemy camps is strictly try-and-die. And the motherfucking box puzzles are the worst. Goddamn it, if we wanted to move fucking boxes, we'd go back to our $8-per-hour job at Moving on Up Movers, assholes.