The Golden Compass

Reviewed by:
Scott Jones

This fucking game makes no sense. No, we didn't see the movie, and we definitely did not read the fucking book. Maybe it would all make more sense if we had. Anyway, you roam around as this little girl name Lyra, lying to people. Then later on, you get to be a partially dressed polar bear. The graphics are terrible. The sound cuts in and out. And clips from the movie are wedged in here and there for no particular reason whatsoever. Overall, this game feels like it was cobbled together in about 20 minutes by three rummed-up one-eyed monkeys.