PixelJunk Monsters

Reviewed by:
Scott Jones

This is one of those tiny little downloadable games that turns out to be more addictive than beef-jerky-flavored crack. We loaded this up, thinking to ourselves, Let's give this piece of shit a whirl, and suddenly, pages were flying off the office calendar like they do in old movies, and we'd instantly grown ZZ Top beards. The gist: You're a turtle who must arrange a series of defenses to protect a tiny hut filled with helpless woodland creatures. You can build cannons, arrow launchers, turret guns, etc. Each armament can be upgraded, either by dancing inside of them—yes, dancing inside of them—or using blue gems that the onslaught of spiders, floating things, crawling things, and big stone trolls drop when they are killed. Listen to us: Stay away from this game. It's the devil. It's Satan! It'll eat up your free time the way that stupid monster in Cloverfield eats New York City.

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