SSX Blur

The SSX series in recent iterations is about a potent as Bob Dole without his Viagra. Though EA squeezed this old, withered teat dry long ago, they're giving it one last yank. The solution: Wii-ify it. You'll need both the Wii Remote and the Nunchuk attachment to steer your snowboarder down these mountains. As with all Wii games, waving our arms around for an hour like we're a finalist in the 21st annual Fucksville fly-swatting contest made us, 1. sweat like hogs, and 2. wish we weren't so fat. And the once-sexy female characters are starting to go stale. Remember Nordic hottie Elise? Now she just seems old and creepy, like a fortysomething "cougar" who hangs out in a Holiday Inn piano bar drinking Kahlúa from a snifter. Fans of the series will squeeze the most out of these magic mountains, but anyone who thinks an übertrick is a $1,200 hooker likely won't give a fuck.