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If you call them "Easter eggs," we'll have to kill you.

1. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (PS2, Xbox)-

Hidden away in some deep, dark, tangled bit of programming code on your San Andreas game disc lurks a sex minigame that was never supposed to see the light of day. But a 37-year-old loner from the Netherlands did what loners do: He discovered the code, and dragged it into the light, giving anti–video game politicians a reason to get out of bed in the morning again. If Rockstar has any balls—and we know they do—their next game will be a full-on sex simulator titled Hot Coffee. But for the moment, Hot Coffee, hands down, wins our award for "Best Video Game Secret of All Time."

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2. God of War (PS2)-

When you enter the throne room on Olympus, instead of planting your hams atop your gleaming golden throne, proceed to destroy both the two statues (one is a minotaur; the other is Ares). It'll take a while, but keep hacking away, and eventually, the game will cut to a screen showing a phone number. Dial it to hear a goofy dialogue between Kratos and the game's maker, the pudgy David Jaffe. (Hey, it's your lucky day! Here's the phone number. Thank us later! 1-888-447-5594)

3. Mercenaries (PS2/Xbox)-

Flying helicopters, driving tanks, and mowing down hundreds of dumb-ass enemy soldiers is fun, but it's 42 percent more fun if you do it as Han Solo. Collect 110 weapons-of-mass-destruction blueprints, and Han "I Know" Solo is yours.

4. Gears of War (Xbox 360)-

Take a closer look at the rubble that the Berserker leaves behind during Act V (the one on the train), and you'll see boxes of breakfast cereal called Gears Crunch. Hammer of Dawn Prize Inside!

5. LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360)-

Open the right door during the game's second level, and you'll startle a posse of off-duty storm troopers enjoying a nice hot soak. Ahhhhhh. Now tell that whore Leia to bring us another round of mint juleps!

6. Resistance: Fall of Man (PS3)-

Nathan Hale (one of our choices for Greatest Video Game Heroes of All Time) kicks mucho ass in this ultraserious sci-fi shooter. But take a closer look at the tall grass…and you'll find garden gnomes hidden away.

7. Half-Life 2 (PC/Xbox 360/PS3)-

The G-Man—the mysterious dude with the gaunt face and cheap Men's Warehouse suit—pops up all over Half-Life 2, but you'll have to have quick eyes to catch him. Our favorite: when he can be seen on a television being watched by an alien. Now, give us back the remote, Hee Haw is on.

8. Doom II (PC)-

In case you never made it to the end of Doom II, the final boss is really just this big mural of a goat skull. But slip your way behind the mural, and you'll find the real boss: the head programmer/genius/part-time long-haired douche bag, John Romero, on a stick.

9. Duke Nukem 3D (PC)-

The Duke clocks in again at number nine with this Caddyshack reference at the bottom of one of the game's swimming pools. Repeat after us: "Doody!"

10. Duke Nukem 3D (PC)-

You'll find a phone number, appropriately enough, written on the wall in the bathroom in one of the game's early levels. Dial it. Tell Jenny we say "hi."

The 10 Greatest Video Game Secrets of All Time