As is often the case with some women, enjoying even the ugliest of video game experiences can be done with enough alcohol in your system. Here is our quick and dirty guide to steering your hard-earned beer money toward something better than a polished turd. Bottoms up!
Lost Planet 2 (PS3, Xbox 360)
Lost Planet 2 (PS3, Xbox 360)Price: $59.99 | Official Site
What It's About: This is one of those games that you want to love, but wind up wanting to strap 75 skyrockets onto and send flying into oblivion. Capcom's much-anticipated sequel takes place 10 years after the first adventure and features a struggle between rival factions over the control of Thermal-ENerGy (T-ENG for short). The connections to the War on Terror are undeniable, making this the millionth video game to use that tired storyline as its own. Sadly, even with improvements on graphics and making the boss battles bigger and badasser (yes, that's now a word), you'll have about as much fun ripping the nails off your fingers while experiencing them. They should've named this one Get Lost, Planet.
No. of Beers Required for Enjoyment: 5
Skate 3 (PS3, Xbox 360)
3D Dot Game Heroes (PS3)
FREE GAME OF THE WEEK
Photo Dojo (DSiWare)
Skate 3 (PS3, Xbox 360)Price: $59.99 | Official Site
What It's About: Following the abysmal attempt at peripheral skating in Tony Hawk Ride, Skate 3 is a breath of fresh, knee-scraped air, at least for those new to the series. A new co-op mode allows you to compete against others in the career campaign, and the Hall of Meat returns to record all of your best bonecrushing board fails. But 60 bucks is still 60 bucks, and it's hard to justify a buy with only a small uptick in new content.
No. of Beers Required for Enjoyment: 3
3D Dot Game Heroes (PS3)Price: $39.99 | Official Site
What It's About: Remember the feeling you got when that bastard Old Man gave you your first wooden sword in Nintendo's The Legend of Zelda? Well, Atlus is bringing it back old-school style, but in 3D with their humorous knockoff, 3D Dot Game Heroes. Battle through 3D block monsters and save the Dotnia Kingdom from impending doom. Even better: You won't have to blow on your cartridge to make this game work.
No. of Beers Required for Enjoyment: 2FREE GAME OF THE WEEK
Photo Dojo (DSiWare)Price: Free until June 11; 200 Nintendo points after | Official Site
What It's About: We secretly always wanted to be Bruce Leroy of The Last Dragon fame when we grew up. Instead, we write for a living. Luckily, Nintendo cares and created Photo Dojo, allowing you to become the ninja master you always wanted to be (without the unwilling parents that kept you from doing so). Use the DSi camera and microphone to setup your virtual fighter—we had ours throw fireball sandwiches and yell "Who's the mastah?" upon victory—and take on your friends in one-on-one, hand-to-hand combat to the hilarious death. Oh, and it's free for the next month.
No. of Beers Required for Enjoyment: 2
Also Out This Week...
Rocket Knight (Xbox 360), Things on Wheels (Xbox 360), Earthworm Jim (DSiWare), Gamehits (DS), Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trials and Tribulations (DS), 8BallAllstars (DS), Batman: Arkham Asylum Game of the Year Edition (PS3, Xbox 360, PC) and Age of Conan: Rise of the Godslayer (PC).