Whether they're slaying zombies or taking opponents down in the ring, these sexy slabs of cyber flesh never fail to release our inner masochist.
Rachel (<em>Ninja Gaiden Sigma</em>)- Not much in Ninja Gaiden Sigma's plot makes sense, but when Rachel appears on-screen, showing off plenty of bare haunch and cleavage, we stop worrying about the story line, and instead begin to see that game as the tale of a woman with huge boobs trying to make her way through a world full of demons.
Sarah Bryant (<em>Virtua Fighter</em>)- Sultry Capricorn college student in search of man who can handle her. My blonde hair, always in ponytail, lets you know that I'm always in the mood for fun. Hobbies include skydiving and kicking people in the stomach until they fall off the tops of hundred-story buildings to their deaths. Skilled in the art of Jeet Kune Do. Nonsmoker preferred.
Lei Fang (<em>Dead or Alive</em>)- Her name, in Chinese, means "beautiful phoenix." And when you have to fight her while playing Dead or Alive, the first thing you think is, "I couldn't harm this delicate little lotus flower." Next thing you know, she's got one of her feet planted in your jaw. And then you're picking up your teeth off the ground. And you're hoping she might kick you again, if only to get just one more glimpse of those white cotton panties she's wearing.
Mia/Josie Maran (<em>Need for Speed: Most Wanted</em>)- Remember that movie Weird Science, where those two nerds figure out a way to make Kelly LeBrock (who must be in her 80s now) real? Game company EA has figured out a way to take the very real Josie Maran and turn her into a video game character. She plays your friend/cock-tease Mia. Those scenes where she's driving down the road and you're in the passenger seat will make you want to say to her, "Hey, there's an Arby's up ahead. Pull in there, baby. I'm buying."
Nikki/Emmanuelle Vaugier (<em>Need for Speed: Carbon</em>)- Those mad scientists at EA decided to pull of their reverse-woman trick a second time by putting the hot Canadian model Emmanuelle Vaugier in their next game. Does she wear short skirts and talk tough? Yes, and yes. Does that turn us on? More than you know. Most actors would consider appearing in a video game as a career low point. But then you remember that she had a role on Two and a Half Men for a while. The horror!
Reiko (<em>Rumble Roses</em> and <em>Rumble Roses XX</em>)- Exploitative. Sexist. Downright offensive. These are just some of the 1,987 words we could use to disparage Rumble Roses. But we won't. Because we appreciate any 'rassling game that: 1. stars only girls, 2. puts said girls in tiny outfits, and 3. features "humiliation" moves, where one girl can basically force the other girl to smell her ass. As one guy in the office put it, as his lady grappler was getting pounded into the mat, "Even when you lose, you win!"
Nina Williams (<em>Tekken</em> and <em>Death by Degrees</em>)- She's only 5'3" and weighs 108 pounds, but in the video game world, Nina kicks more ass before 9 a.m. than you do all day. She likes to wear costumes made out of PVC, leather, and lingerie, which we don't mind at all. And in her spin-off game, Death by Degrees, she spends most of the time walking around in very high heels while wielding a katana. It's frightening and erotic at the same time—sort of like what we imagine having sex with Amy Winehouse might be like.
Jill Valentine (<em>Resident Evil 3: Nemesis</em>)- Who patrols a zombie-infested city while wearing a tube top and a miniskirt? Jill Valentine, that's who. No one in the history of video games has ever looked sexier or more desirable than Jill does when she starts blowing zombies' heads off with a shotgun. At some point while playing the game, you'll find yourself talking to the TV screen, saying, "Just put the gun down, Jill. Put it down. That a girl. And let me love you the way you want to be loved."
BloodRayne (<em>BloodRayne</em> and, um, <em>BloodRayne 2</em>)- If we had to be killed by a vampire, we mean HAD TO, we could do a lot worse than Agent BloodRayne. She's got a taste for outfits that look like she found them in a dumpster behind the Bada Bing!; and they always accentuate her very ample mamms. And the way she leaps monkey-like onto enemies, wrapping her legs around their backs, then sinking her fangs into their throats, all while smothering them with those big cans? It's truly difficult to tell if her victims are crying for help…or crying for more.