Yakuza

This game was hailed as "the Grand Theft Auto of Japan." Grand Theft Auto? My ass. Here's the recipe for Yakuza: take one part Final Fight, add one part RPG, throw in a box of school girl panties, add a layer of cheese and salty language on top, marinate in sake, then bake in PS2 for three hours. There's some quality voice work from Mark "I am old now, Luke" Hamill and Michael Madsen (will someone get him something for his throat that coats, soothes, and relieves?) yet the game's fatal mistake is that it makes us read. Since the only time we do any reading is when we take our, um, A.M. constitutional, words tend to make our sphincters involuntarily dilate and poop tends to involuntarily fall out. Soiled drawers aside, Yakuza features a solid, brutal fighting engine, and a storyline line that actually makes sense. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!