Man Loses Lawsuit Claiming His Motorcycle Caused an Unusual Condition

The case of the bike boner is closed.
Avatar:
Author:
Publish date:
Social count:
0
The case of the bike boner is closed.
placeholder title

A decision has been reached in the legal case of the century. Not since O.J. has America been rocked by such a pivotal, consequential trial. I’m talking, of course, about a man who filed a lawsuit claiming his motorcycle gave him an erection that lasted several days.

What else would I be talking about?

In case you haven't been keeping tabs on the case of the bike boner, let us give you a refresher. The biker in question claimed the vibrations of the “ridge-like” seat of his 1993 BMW motorcycle gave him an insufferable hard-on (the four-plus-hours-call-your-doctor-kind). The lawsuit—filed against BMW North America and the seat manufacturer Corbin-Pacific Inc.—cited “product liability,” “negligence,” and “negligent infliction of emotional distress.” 

For anyone concerned about the fate of this man’s “bike boner,” fear not. He was resourceful enough to heed the cautions punctuating every erectile dysfunction commercial and indeed hit up his doctor for his marathon hard-on. He had his tumescence treated at Marin General Hospital and made a full recovery.

Affirming an earlier judgment, the judges ruled Tuesday that the man’s appeal “[failed] to comply with the rules of appellate procedure” and that it “[contained] no intelligible argument.” The panel, showing no mercy, ordered the man to pay the defendant’s costs on appeal, which will likely add up to over tens of thousands of dollars.

That’s one expensive alleged erection.

This is bad news for involuntarily aroused bikers, but what will it mean for America?

Photos by Terry O'Neill / Getty Images