<a href="http://www.yamahawaverunners.com" target="_blank">2012 Yamaha FX SHO WaveRunner PWC</a>- If you’re just taking a PWC (that would be “personal watercraft,” or what we say instead of the trademarked “Jet Ski” so we don’t get sued) for a loop on the lake, any rusty ride will do. But for all-day action, you want something that won’t make you feel like you just gorged on fiber cereal. Not only is the 2012 Yamaha FX SHO WaveRunner PWC one of the cushiest around, but it still packs enough power for tow sports and watery drag races. In fact, its supercharged 1.8-liter revver is the largest displacement motor you can get on a PWC, capable of zooming from zero to 30 in 1.7 seconds. Yes: That’s as fast as a Ferrari.
<a href="http://www.chevrolet.com/camaro-zl1/?seo=goo_|_2008_Chevy_Awareness_|_IMG_Chevy_Camaro_ZL1_Awareness_|_Camaro_ZL1_Awareness_|_2012_chevy_camaro_zl1#image1" target="_blank">Bitchin' Camaro (2012 Chevy Camaro ZL1)</a>- Unlike some reboots (the kid from The Social Network is now Spider-Man?), Chevy’s 2012 Camaro ZL1 is nothing but welcome. Under the hood a supercharged 6.2-liter V-8 engine wrangles together 580 horses, controlled via a six-speed manual gearbox with a dual-disc clutch. A new electric power-steering system offers the sort of pin¬-point precision that hydraulics can only dream of, and the aluminum hood is pockmarked with carbon-fiber vents that keep this sucker from taking off like an F-18 at top speed. Put your deposit down now: When it comes out in early 2012, the ZL1 should be the fastest, most powerful Camaro ever. We’ll take one in red (with a radar detector).
<a href="http://www.spacetoys.com/proddetail.php?prod=CST11" target=”_blank”>Replica Apollo 17 NASA Space Suit</a>- There are three possible, equally valid uses for a perfect replica Apollo 17 space suit. 1: Film your own badly-shot moon landing reenactments to put on
Youtube to “prove” that the original landing was faked, before heading back to your fortified compound in the woods. 2: Robbing a gas station in the single most poorly-thought out disguise ever scraped off the
sidewalk by police coroners after being gunned down while stuck in the doorway of same gas station. 3: wearing on Halloween and pointing and laughing at kids wearing shitty Walmart astronaut costumes and making them cry. All three of these uses are AWESOME.
<a href="http://www.aerotrader.com/listing/1992-MCDONNELL-DOUGLAS-520N-97042115" target=”_blank”>1992 McDonnell Douglas 520N Helicopter (Used)</a>- “Oh, what’s that, guys? You’re going to be late because you’re stuck in traffic? Oh, well, I guess I’ll go get a massage or something because I got here three hours ago in my BIG FUCKING HELICOPTER”. Yes, you can buy a second hand chopper for, well, a lot of
money, as it goes, but the real cost comes in maintaining and fuelling the bastard (and paying someone to fly it, unless you’re some kind of Stringfellow Hawke
character). Still, if you can afford it, good on you – there is literally nothing more baller than having your own helicopter. Besides being a professional basketball player, presumably.
<a href="http://www.privateislandsonline.com/comfort-island-new-york.htm" target=”_blank”>Comfort Island, New York</a>- Why blow your wad on a tropical island when you can buy a landmass next to some decent restaurants? New York’s Comfort Island is located in the Thousand Islands Region of Millionaire’s row (if we were some other shitty publication we’d probably make a salad dressing joke here, but we’re not, so thank Christ for that) and has all the comfort and amenities one would expect from its proximity to Swank Town. It’s really rather a pointless purchase, but come on, owning your own island is a bar room boast that would make men wet.
<a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/10/27/bloomberg_articlesLTQ4YB07SXKX.DTL" target=”_blank”>Dallas Stars Hockey Team</a>- Having been propped up by the NHL for the last few years, the Dallas Stars are, as of the time of writing, totally bankrupt and up for auction. So for a mere more-money-than-most-of-us-will-ever-see-in-our-lives, you could snap up your own pro sports team! We’re not total assholes here at Maxim (no, really. Well, there’s that one guy, but he mostly keeps to himself and really, what do you expect from a man who was raised by owls?) so we hope the Stars find a good new owner, one that will treat them right and take them to the vet regularly. And if they’ve found an owner by the time you read this, don’t worry –
there’s always teams going out of business.
$150 million, approx
<a href="http://www2.gibson.com/Products/Electric-Guitars/Les-Paul/Gibson-Custom/Jimmy-Page-Number-Two-Les-Paul.aspx " target=”_blank”>Jimmy Page “Number Two” Les Paul</a>- Few people could make a guitar sing like Jimmy Page could, and he wasn’t bad at playing it, either (note to editor – please check that guitars can actually sing, we’re getting all our info from some unfortunate Page/Plant fan fic site). We kid, we kid! Led Zepplin are constantly on the stereo in the Maxim office, along with the other classic rock powerhouses like REO
Speedwagon, Wham! and The Bangles. Anyway, if you want to play guitar like Jimmy, a) good luck, and b), get this guitar, which has been painstakingly crafted by Gibson’s finest to look and sound exactly like his famous “Number Two” Les Paul, right down to the smallest detail, so you can play Stairway To Heaven in perfect emulation while some asshole shouts “Freeebiiiird!” at you.
<a href="http://www.cigarsupply.com/cigars/pc/Gurkha-His-Majesty-s-Reserve-c666.htm" target=”_blank”>Gurkha His Majesty's Reserve Cigars (Box)</a>- You know what’s the most fun thing about smoking a
cigar? Stubbing it out on your butler’s kneecap when you’re done! But apart from that, the taste of pure, smoky manliness (and not like this). Gurkha is well known for making cigars that taste like inhaling every member of the A-Team simultaneously, and this box has an extra special ingredient – they’re imbued with Louis XIII cognac! We haven’t tried them, but we did once fill our bong with Jack Daniels, so, uh, yeah, that probably doesn’t count.
<a href="http://www.forbes.com/2007/06/01/whisky-expensive-bottle-forbeslife-cx_pl_0601whisky_slide_5.html?thisSpeed=undefined" target=”_blank”>The Balvenie Cask</a>- There are only 83 bottles of this 1952 Balvenie whisky in existence, and only five of them are in America, which already makes it rarer than a Baldwin. Considering the fact that even the 12 year-old Balvenie makes us weep tears of malty joy every time we sip upon its golden teat (sorry, we’re drunk even as we write this. It was a hard day, ok? First we ran out of croissants, our pet sea lion died and then our Jacuzzi got clogged up with wadded up blotter acid, it was a hell of a morning), so the thought of a Balvenie just shy of sixty years old makes us moist in some pretty private places.
<a href="http://www.bornrich.com/entry/35000-talos-outdoor-cooking-suite/" target=”_blank”>Talos Outdoor Cooking Suite</a>- There’s grills, there’s barbecues, there’s kitchens, there’s food trucks, and then, sitting high above them in the “I’ma gonna cook the shit outta some of these here foods, y’all” hierarchy, there is the Talos Outdoor Cooking Suite (or, as it’s simply known in grilling circles, the, “Ooh, fuck”). $35,000 worth of pure, unadulterated meat-perfecting joy, you can have your model specially customized to meet your precise needs. Which is why the Maxim version just has three beer fridges, a porta potty and a bouncy castle.
<a href="http://www.usmilitaryvehicles.com/vehicles_m.htm" target=”_blank”>Ex-US Army Jeep</a>- Do you know what’s more awesome than driving around in your very own, WWII surplus army jeep? NOTHING. Especially if you strap a couple plastic rockets to the side and drive around pretending you’re Flint from G.I. Joe (what? Flint rocked. Snake Eyes can suck it, people). This site sells a wide variety of old military vehicles, so if you’ve been keeping your driveway clear in the hope of picking up an army snowplow or some French artillery (presumably unused), knock yourself out, but the jeeps are far and away the coolest things here.
Prices vary, but around $15,000