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Belated Father’s Day Gift Guide

He had sex with your mom, so get him a present.

For Tech-Savvy Dads

Roku Player with 6 Months of Hulu Plus ($80)

It’s like giving your dad an entire movie and TV collection in one shot. The fine folks at Roku have set a up special Father’s Day deal that’ll give pops the Roku HD player, 6 months of Hulu Plus (so he can catch up on Gossip Girl), and an HDMI cable. The only thing he’ll need now is for you to leave him the hell alone.

LightStar 80 Penlight from TerraLUX ($30)

Dad wants a flashlight with a bite. Or rather, he wants a penlight he can bite. This powerful penlight not only has an 80-lumen output, but it a bite grip for hands free usage. It’s made with airplane grade aluminum and lasts for 5 hours on 2 AAA batteries.  Perfect for working on the car, camping and screwing with a cat.  

Logitech UE Air Speaker ($400)

A wireless speaker that’s so easy to use even the most tech-hating dads can figure it out in a minute or two. Just plug in your iPhone/Pad/Pod, download the app and your device is now a wireless remote control operating over your home network. You can now skip through songs, adjust the volume and treble/bass, and even access it through a Mac or PC. It’s got powerful sound and is the most stylish looking Logitech speaker to date. The best part: No more sharing earbuds around the dinner table to listen to your dad’s collection of old TV theme songs!

SYNC by 50 Wireless Headphones ($400)

For the dad serious about sound--or on the verge of going deaf...or always getting tangled in wires--you’re about to change his life forever. 50 Cent doesn’t play when it comes to audio quality and these headphones look as good as they sound. The black case lined with teal keeps all the necessary components safe: A wireless dongle, power charger, micro-USB cable and audio cable with a mic for hands-free with phone usage. Syncing the dongle--teehee, that word always makes us giggle--is a mindless one-step process and the controls on the headphones are simple to access without having to see them (volume up/down, next/previous track). There’s also a blue flashing light, which won’t bother you when you’re wearing them but it will remind you to keep them charged.

Looxcie ($150)

By the time your dad gets his camera out, chances are your amazing cannonball dive is over. (You really should stop seeking his approval and accolades.) The Looxie eliminates the need to take out a bulky camera as the Bluetooth earpiece/video camera is always rolling. If something amazing happens, dad simply taps the button to send the last 30-seconds to his social media networks of choice. The companion app for iPhone and Android makes controlling the camera even easier. Just be warned: There are no doubt some things your dad witnesses are best left unrecorded.

Logitech Ultrathin Keyboard Cover ($99)

The thought of using the iPad’s onscreen keyboard to do anything more than typing out a sexy, sexy Tweet makes our knuckles hurt. And with your dad’s brittle bird bones, he’s going to need all the help he can get when it comes to comfy typing. The Logitech Ultrathin Keyboard Cover is exactly as the title suggests: Thin. But it’s also large enough to prevent your fingers from cramping, while giving your pinky something to press besides spasm uncontrollably. The keyboard also doubles as a iPad handy cover, and an expensive spider killer.

Philips Sonicare AirFloss ($77)

Give your dad the hint that no one else in the family is brave enough to give - His breath and teeth are kind of gross. Besides, dads love new gizmos, even if it’s a backhanded insult and/or pragmatic. This little bad boy uses air and micropellets of water to make teeth and gums worthy of the cover of Tooth De-Hey: The Weekly Magazine About Teeth (which does not exist yet.)

Ion Air Pro ($299)

A guy can have a lot of fun with a tiny camera. Why are you blushing? We’re talking about using it on ski trips, pervert! The Ion Air Pro is not only compact, social media-friendly, and shoots in HD, it’s also waterproof.  Dad can slap it on a helmet and record his mountain bike tricks, or slap it on a panther to see what a panther sees! “Seeing what a panther sees,” is oddly on your dad’s bucket list.

For Sporty Dads

Wilson “Juice 100” and “Steam 100” Tennis Racquets ($189)

Dad decided to get back on the courts this year, but he's been looking more like John McEnroe than Andy Roddick out there. Hook him up with a fresh racket from Wilson. Wilson's Steam Racquet will allow pops to have spin and ball control skills that he didn't even know existed. Plus, it’ll like better than the homemade racquet he’s been using. (Is that a garbage pail lid stapled to a mop handle?)

Dancin’ Dogg OptiShot Home Golf Simulator ($900 for the Silver Package)

Slightly cheaper than building your own golf course, but slightly more expensive (and accurate) than playing Wii Golf, the OptiShot Simulator is perfect for golfers who have allergies, money, room and free time. If the price tag scares you away, tell your dad this counts as his Christmas, birthday, Arbor Day and Canadian Thanksgiving present. And make your rich sister chip in.

Denco Miami Heat Soft Luggage ($90)

This bag is stylish, but also shouts at all who gaze upon it, “I like this sports team!!!!” And that’s what sports are all about, right? If your old man needs luggage, get him something fun. Because you failed to become a pro athelete, and your high school team was pathetic, at least get your dad a bag he can be proud of.

For Dads in Need of Style Repair

Blind Barber products (From $22)

With products like Wild Watermint Gin Aftershave Soother how can you go wrong? Toss out your dads old products and update his bathroom accordingly.

Polaroid T-shirts ($36)

Not all of your dad’s T-shirts need to bought at Target. Get him a shirt that’s actually cool and somewhat brainy. Remind him of those torturous Disney World picture poses with a Polaroid T-Shirt from Altru Apparel. Remember: He’s not a hipster if he was actually alive when Polaroid cameras were produced. Also, he thinks “hipster” is a type of drug or sex thing. And he’s worried for our youth.

Eau De Lacoste cologne (White, Red, Blue and Green) ($62 for 3.4 oz.)

Here’s how it breaks down: White has a woody/grapefruity aroma, Red is is spicy and gingery, Blue is a blend of smooth sage, and Green is all about nature and smells Which one is right for your dad? If you can’t decide, mix all three into a super cologne we call “Money Waster.”

NBA Cufflinks (From $64)

Cufflinks are the tiny bit of dress flair that scream, “Father’s Day!” They also whisper, “Hey, I’m fancy enough to wear cufflinks. Impressed? Of course your are...of course you are.” These NBA cufflinks are great way for your dad to support his favorite time while sitting through your brother’s awful, boring wedding.

Spanx For Men ($58 for a shirt)

Hopefully, you don’t know what Spanx are. For those ignorant few, Spanx make elastic undergarments for women to help smooth out their softer areas. Now they’re targeting guys. If you dad cares about his sloppy appearance, or if you just want a gag gift, give him some Man Spanx. They’re cheaper and less exhaustive than joining a gym.

For Dads Who Remember The Concept of “Fun”

Tegu Pocket Prism Desk Toy ($30)

Two things you should know about these simple magnetic wooden blocks. First, they are addictively fun. And second, the company is focused on social issues in developing nations. (Read about their cause here.) Buy your dad the desk toy and rest easy knowing that you helped change the entire world and will definitely get into heaven, or even super heaven.

Ghostbuster License Plate ($35) and Neon Sign ($125)

Let your dad remember the good ol’ 80s, a time before he had to take fiber and boner pills. Every dad loves Ghostbusters. If they don’t, they’re not biological fathers. These nuggets of nerd nostalgia are perfect for your dad’s den. If he doesn't’ have a den, make one out of boxes and hope.

For Clumsy Dads

Pelican Hardback™ iPad Case ($52)

Turn your dad’s iPad into a mobile office with this watertight, crushproof case. He can take his iPad anywhere - the beach, the volcano, Hoth, or he can just use it to sit on the couch and not worry about getting Sprite on his fancy email machine. If you’re dad goes through smart phones like Q-tips Pelican also make a super sturdy water-resistant “crushproof” smart-phone case. The Pelican i1015 fits iPhone 3G/4/4S, Samsung Galaxy S, Blackberry Torch and iPod touch. Hell, it’ll even protect dinosaur embryos your dad plans on stealing from Jurassic Park. (Don’t worry, his secret is long as he sets aside a Spinosaurus for us.)

Custom iPad Cases from Uncommon ($60)

Take a picture and the fine folks at Uncommon will turn it into an iPhone or iPad case! You could make a case of your own image, because surely your dad would love your face on his iPad cover. We, on the other hand, took a photo of a Michael Caine action figure, holding a balloon and riding a fake pigeon. Our dad is so lucky.

Samsonite Viz Air Laptop Backpack ($99)

Harness the power of air to protect your dad’s laptop. The Viz Air bag uses air bumpers to keep the laptop safe. Now if only they would fill the bumpers with helium so that we can realize our dream of a slow-moving hover-pack!

Bheestie Bags ($20)

The Bheestie bag claims to suck all the water out of wet electronic devices such as cell phones and very small robots. Since your dad is getting clumsier in his old age, it couldn’t hurt to have one of these bags around to breathe new life into his 8-year-old flip phone.

For Dads Who Hate The Outdoors


Cops, War and The Ol’ West on Blu-ray

Your dad is never too old for spending time with Detectives Riggs and Murtaugh in the long-awaited Lethal Weapon Collection [Blu-ray] ($55) (Read review here). If your dad’s a WWII buff then pick up the incredible Ken Burns documentary The War ($85), also making its Blu-ray debut. If he’s a fan of the old west, railroads and blood he’ll love AMC’s Hell on Wheels: The Complete First Season [Blu-ray].

Hard Case Crime Books ($10)

Let your mom read 50 Shades of Gray and Twilight. Give your dad some manly novels in the form of Titan’s Hard Case crime books. These novels callback to the pulpy days of detective stories, when men were men and women didn’t have Pinterest accounts.

King of the Grill Cookie Basket ($40)

According to greeting cards and ABC Family jokes, guys love to grill. But instead of getting your dad the typical grilling gifts, freak him the hell out by giving him hotdog and hamburger-shaped cookies presented in an adorable cardboard grill. He won’t know what to say! That awkward silence means he likes it!

For Dads With Actual Taste

Camacho Cigars (From $138 per box)

There are a few things middle-aged men can do that young guys cannot. This includes ordering pudding at a restaurant and smoking cigars. You have to be at least 40 years old to look cool smoking a cigar. Any younger and it looks like you're trying too hard. It’s one of the many perks of being a dad. Impress him and his golf buddies with these premium Camacho cigars. Impress him even further by finally admitting that your Smashmouth tattoo was a mistake.

Beluga Gold Vodka ($129)

You can’t spell Vodka incorrectly without d-a-d. Give your dad a bottle of some top shelf Russian vodka. We could tell you about the impressive distilling process of Beluga Gold Vodka (which uses ingredients such as milk thistle extract, sugar syrup, honey, and vanilla), but all you dad needs to know is that this is the good stuff. Don’t let him waste it in his signature cocktail: Booze plus melted Slurpee.

Xelsis SS Automatic Espresso Machine ($3,000)

Does your dad really like coffee, and did you just win the lottery and already bought a boat and a spare boat? Then splurge on pops and get him this hi-tech coffee machine that has fingerprint identification software and (hopefully) makes a decent cup of joe.


For more gift ideas, check out our Graduation Gift Guide!