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Gift Under $5

Money can't buy you love, but five bucks can buy you some awesome stuff! Check out our awesomely cheap list. 

Measuring Tape Toilet Paper, $3.99

We’re not quite sure why you’d need measuring tape in the bathroom but… actually, who are we kidding? There are tons of things to measure in the can, (what, no one else likes to grout while pooping?) and for four bucks, you can afford to stock up. This stuff will help you and your lucky loved ones keep track of your health in the new year. Stay regular, stay healthy, y’all.

Batman Brake Light Decal, $0.43

Maybe you’ll never be able to buy the Batmobile, but for less than five bucks, this is just as good! Except that, obviously, it’s not, but we have to write something. Anyway, whenever you come to a stop, let everyone around you know who’s the swift-fisted protector of Gotham (hint: It’s you!). Don’t have a car? Place it on your backside for a similar effect.

Dipped Hot Wing Soap Set, $5

Great for your foodie or Sunday night football friend, these delectable-looking soaps come in drumstick and wing. All you need to go along with these (ironically vegan) soaps is some blue cheese shampoo! And yeah, we know that $5 is not really “under $5”, but come on, are you really going to quibble with us over one cent? Oh, wait, this is the Internet – of course you are.

X-Men Comic Book Wallet, $3.50

Made from the actual comic book pages of X-Men #15, this bad boy will keep all your basics intact while you’re out and about slashing people with the knives from your knuckles  commuting to work, converting sound into energy beams coming home from work, transforming into ice grocery shopping, absorbing cosmic energy hitting the bar, and more.

Temperature Controlled Faucet Light, $4.35

Turn dish- and hand-washing into a club scene with this LED sprayer nozzle - Just add Skrillex! (Skillex is the off-brand dish soap we buy from the strange Turkish store next to our apartment). Not only will you have more fun with water, but the changing color makes things safer and keeps you from burning the hell out of your hands, which still unfortunately happens to us. A lot. We’re, uh… we’re kind of dumb.

Winter Is Coming, Game of Thrones Inspired Christmas Card, $1

You don’t know cold! If you hate the options of holiday cards at the store, then use this one to send season’s greetings and remind them of how much longer until Season Three of Game of Thrones. Alternatively, set their house on fire and say you bought them a dragon.   

Stay Puft Quality Marshmallows, $3.99

This licensed Ghostbusters collectible is, if you can believe it, more delicious than Slimer’s Hi-C Ecto-Cooler. Just skewer these marshmallows on a stick near a fire immediately – you ain’t afraid of no roast!

Wasabi Gumballs, $3.99

The bacon craze has been going on for a while, so what’s the next big thing? Nostril-killing, face-reddening, breath freshening (we hope?) Wasabi gum! Our tongues are bleeding at the thought. Can’t wait to try them! No, really.

Boba Fett Cell Phone Vinyl Decal Sticker, $1.50

You may not always have all your bars, but the reeking breath of the Sarlacc will stay with you with this unfor-Fett-able decal. iPhone 5 obsolete already? Doesn’t matter with this baby beside your ear. Get it in any color from hot pink to burgundy to brimstone.

More of the 2012 Maxim Holiday Gift Guide