Buying a thoughtful gift for your sister this holiday season is a great way to help ensure that when your parents are old and infirm and need to move in with one of their children, she’ll have to take one for the team. ‘Tis the season!
Oh my God, you guys, do you remember when Kelly Taylor did cocaine? Or when Dylan’s fiancée tragically died in a botched hit arranged by her own father? Or when Donna and David finally got married? Or the way your heart melted a little whenever Brian Austin Green took his shirt off? What? You don’t remember any of that shit? Well, trust us: your sister does. For girls who grew up in the ‘90s, there was no more important television series than the original Beverly Hills 90210. It was the definitive drama of the decade (quite literally, running from 1990 to 2000), and there’s no better way to show your sister you’re more successful than she is than by spending a fortune on this incredible box set, which comes with two DVD yearbooks and hundreds of hours of entertainment.
Combining the two things your sister loves most – Modern Family and nail art – these brand-new TV-themed hues from Nicole by OPI make the perfect standalone gifts or stocking stuffers. Available in 14 shades inspired by the characters from the show (“My Jay or the Highway,” “Bask in My Gloria Days,” etc.), gifting a few of these will make you seem thoughtful, and totally distract everyone from the fact that you obviously did your holiday shopping in the beauty supply aisle at Target 20 minutes before Christmas dinner.
Buy It Now!
Cocomia Twig Jewelry Stand, $38 (small) / $50 (large)
Shopping for girls is hard enough, but shopping for a girl with whom you share DNA is the absolute worst. What does she like? What does she want? Why do your parents like her more than you? So many questions. But while you might not understand your sister’s style, you can give her a gift that says, “Even though I don’t agree with all that weird jewelry, you still deserve a place to put it.” Enter Roost’s twig jewelry stand, an elegant and affordable way to organize and display all her jewelry. Available in two sizes, both with a removable middle “branch,” it’s made from cast brass with a bronze finish, but designed to look like, well, twigs – or “faux bois,” if you want to be a jerk about it. Your call, bro.
Mizuno Wave Prophecy 3 Sneakers, $209.99
When it comes to high-performance running shoes, Nike and Reebok aren’t the only games in town. Meet the Mizuno Wave Prophecy 3. A super advanced U4ic (like “euphoric”…get it?) foam midsole makes the shoe incredibly absorbent and light, while Mizuno’s Full-Length Infinity Wave technology guarantees maximum stability and cushioning. But more importantly, giving them to your sister is a great way to make amends for all the times you encouraged the family dog to use her shoes as a chew toy.
Show your little sis that she’s your favorite four-eyes with these Kate Spade earrings, inspired by the glasses worn by the brand’s resident celebrity stylist, Brad Goreski. Made from 12-carat gold-plated metal and enamel (with 14-carat gold posts), this is a gift that says, “I’m sorry my jock friends and I tormented you for being a bookworm in high school, but on the flipside, at least one of us learned how to read!”
Projecteo Instagram Projector, $34.98
Sure, we love our digital photo libraries, but we also miss having more tangible reminders of our good times in the form of real printed photos. Projecteo offers the best of both worlds; it’s a tiny, retro-style photo projector that comes customized with a “photo wheel” – a single frame of 35mm slide film imprinted with up to nine Instagram pics of your choosing. The projector and color wheels are sold separately, so you can get her started with the projector, and let her choose which of her own pics she wants to have printed. Or, just order a color wheel with nine of your own selfies, so she’ll have a constant reminder of what a dick you are constantly projected on her wall.
To the untrained eye of a man, this thing looks like a fancy arts and crafts set from the future. But to a lady, it’s all-out makeup porn – and if your sister is a girl, there’s a good chance she likes makeup. (And if your sister is not a girl, maybe stop calling her your sister…?) The palette features a whopping 130 different colors for eyes, face, and lips, plus applicators, brushes, and a built-in mirror. Try to resist the urge to make any jokes about how much this will help her with that much-needed makeover.
Speaking of makeovers, chances are you’ve at least heard of Tony Horton’s wildly popular fitness program, P90X. (But if not, we’d like to take this opportunity to remind you of GOP congressman Paul “Hot Bod” Ryan, whose devotion to the system is, um, well-documented.) The latest P90X workout program is so effective, that even a lazy sloth like your sister can get unprecedented results without spending all day at the gym. The third installment of the program, P90X3 is an accelerated version of the original, allowing users to completely transform their bodies in just 30 minutes a day for 90 days – or, to put it in terms that your sister will understand, a fraction of the time she spends watching cat videos on the Internet every day.
Danby Countertop Dishwasher, $249.99
This is America, in the 1990s* – no one should have to wash dishes by hand. Not even the girl who tried to suffocate you in your crib after your parents brought you home from the hospital. This compact countertop dishwasher hooks right up to any kitchen sink and holds up to six place settings – not that your sister has five friends who would ever want to come to her house for dinner. ZING!
*It is not the 1990s.
Skinnygirl Low-Calorie Wines, $11.99 and up
Reality TV maven-turned-daytime talk show host Bethenny Frankel’s newest collection of branded wines features a Prosecco (available only through New Year’s), Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, and Cabernet Sauvignon. We are not above admitting that we’ve tried them, and they taste just as good as regular vino, but ladies especially love that each serving contains only 100 calories. Or 400, based on the way your sister pours.